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Life after Benaud
By Ian last year, mid-June, 24 Comments »
On Desert Island Discs, you are allowed one luxury. Given mine would be a magical television that showed all available live cricket (as well as choice re-runs), I’d be able to pick my favourite pundits to describe the action. Who are my top commentators? In theory, I would only need two to cover the matches, but that would be unfair on them (I’m not a tyrant), so I’d hire five to mix it up and give the others a rest.
Therefore, below are my five favourite commentators. Benaud would have been there, of course, as would Brian Johnston, but we must all move on. There are honourable mentions for Lloyd, Gower, Holding, Dujon, Nasser, Knight, Ward, Smith, Lawry and Greig, but these five pick themselves.My Top Five: Michael Atherton, Jimmy Adams, Michael Slater, Geoff Boycott and Simon Hughes.
I can’t imagine anyone will disagree, but then it’s your island. Pick who you like!
24 Comments »West Indies in England, 1976 (TV)
By Will last year, mid-June, 4 Comments »
This Friday, BBC Two are showing archive footage (and behind the scenes stuff) of West Indies’ tour of England in 1976. This was Tony Greig’s famous “grovelling” comment - read Martin Williamson’s Rewind about it.
The remark was highly inflammatory for a number of reasons, the main one being that Greig’s words, coming from a white South African, were seized on for racist overtones. “The word ‘grovel’ is one guaranteed to raise the blood pressure of any black man,” Lloyd said. “The fact they were used by a white South African made it even worse. We were angry and West Indians everywhere were angry. We resolved to show him and everyone else that the days for grovelling were over.”
More at the Beeb.
4 Comments »Super effort, that; a video or choo to chew over
By Will last year, mid-May, 1 Comment »
“Check one choo, check one choo.” Richie, Tony and Bill are back…well, not really. The video is a brilliant mashup of the latest 12th Man and actual footage of the last horrorshow train-wreck Ashes series. Courtesy of Mr Miller who somehow has found his way back to Blighty.
Click here if you can’t see it above.
1 Comment »Vaughan and Jones could return - Ponting
By Will 2 years ago, at the end of July, 7 Comments »
“You’ve got to remember those guys have been ruled out a long time ago and there is still a few months to go before the series,” Ponting said yesterday.
“It’s a long time to get over any sort of injury. I’m pretty sure they will want Vaughan and Jones here if they can get them here. We are preparing to play a full-strength side.”
Come off it! Vaughan’s finished, everyone knows that. But I don’t know what to make of this. Either he’s stirring, or he genuinely thinks both players could return. He’s desperate, isn’t he, to have the exact same England side which beat them last year. He wants a copybook series but a 4-0 result. He’s hurting, still. Am I reading too much into all this?
And look. Legends, one and all. Tony Greig and Bill Lawry on the right, who we at Cricinfo religiously imitate almost every day without fail
Update: for those preferring proper sentences I’ve written it up on Cricinfo
7 Comments »Classic catches video
By Will 2 years ago, at the end of July, 3 Comments »
Some absolute stunning catches here, well worth watching if only to hear the commentators (Richie Benaud, Bill Lawrie and Tony Greig mainly) go nuts. That one by Mark Taylor at first slip was sensational…
3 Comments »Glassy shot
By Will 2 years ago, mid-July, 2 Comments »
I avoided the inevitable “Cricket commentators have a SMASHING time” for this post. Richard Grant, batting for Glamorgan, smashed a six through the commentators window. Edward Bevan and Steve Watkin were at the mic: cue two very confused, and slightly puterbed Welshmen.
Reminds me of The 12th Man tapes where Tony Greig is commentating. “Aw look out, it’s coming up here
Paul ‘fatty’ Vautin’s catch
By Will 2 years ago, at the start of July, No Comments; be the first!
Australians will know all about this catch, but it was new to me. Paul Vautin, former Rugby League player, takes a really fine catch in an Allan Border testimonial match in 1993. The catch itself isn’t the greatest in cricket history, as they say it is, but it’s worth watching just to hear Tony Greig get way too excited!
No Comments »
Girls from South Africa
By Will 2 years ago, at the start of April, 4 Comments »
That ought to get the punters reading! Tony Greig, commentating on South Africa against Australia:
The most beautiful girls in the world come from South Africa. And that’s from Shane Warne…he should know.
Tony’s an utter legend
4 Comments »Blast from the past
By Will 2 years ago, at the end of March, 8 Comments »
A blast from the past just now. Or, as Tony Greig would say, “a blorst from the porst, nice and hord and forst”. November 2004 I wroteth the following:
Richie Benaud commented during New Zealand’s first innings against Australia that no Australian bowler exceeded 140kph “which is pretty worrying.†It was a brief comment, but very interesting. The pitch and conditions suited extreme-pace, so it’s odd that Gillespie in particular didn’t make it to 140.
I don’t want to make this blog entirely biased towards England (but!) England’s bowlers averaged around 140 in most innings this summer. Steve Harmison in particular reached 96mph (154kph) (and averaged 94mph in his 10 overs) in an ODI. The Aussies are getting old…
Did whatshisname, erm…Stuart Clark reach 140 the other day? Don’t think so. Not that speed is the be-all and end-all, of course, but a four-pronged pace attack is such a luxury. And Australia’s bowlers are all, well…they need this bloke Mitchell Johnson to have an immediate impact. Left-armer too.
8 Comments »Funny names
By Will 2 years ago, at the end of March, 16 Comments »
I’m a bit of a fan of funny names and general wordplayage, so it was with great and splendid delight that I finally got round to buying 12th Man (mentioned the other day, actually). In it, Tony Greig, Bill Lawry, Richie Benaud and friends commentate on various games…with some ridiculous, always hilarious and often massively rude names. It’s utter bloody brilliance, and I’d urge you to buy it immediately. I haven’t laughed so much in ages! Then again, I do love purile humour (”And he’s gone for a slash just outside off stump…you really can’t be allowed to do that, the puddle…” etc)
The less rude ones include Kartis Arminhalf, Ramatunga DownaThroata, Wayne King, Hugh Jarse, Brendan Kangaroopoo and Cock Sarker. Not to mention the Sri Lankan spinner, SmellabitofaRatna, and the Indian opener Sunil Haveascar. Oh and IwannaUse Yadunny and Mekarsa Bitrusty, those two splendid middle-order Australians. Who can forget Ilarva Cornishpasty and Snake Sharma too?
Anyway, time for some fun. Let’s draw up a list of alternative names, the ruder and funnier the better. I’ll start it off with two very fine England prospects; Piston Broke and Mebats Snappedinalf.
16 Comments »Sunset cricket
By Will 2 years ago, mid-March, No Comments; be the first!
IMG_0899
Originally uploaded by Flickr user Dodge viper.
As Tony Greig would say, “What a mooorvellous shot”.
No Comments »Ramatunga Downathroata
By Will 2 years ago, mid-March, 9 Comments »
Brilliant. I’m fairly wetting myself listening to the 12th man CD - I’d forgotten just how hilarious it is. Tony Greig commentating: “And here’s big Merv Hughes, to open the bowling from the Members’ end, and he’s coming into Ramatunga Downathroata”.
Utter quality. Expect more indecipherable musings soon.
9 Comments »UPDATE South Africa v Australia, 5th ODI, Johannesburg
By Will 2 years ago, mid-March, 36 Comments »
About an hour ago, me and my colleage were screaming at the TV while watching South Africa attempt to reach 435. The commentators - Tony Greig and a South African, Barry Richards I think - were getting far too excited and claiming the hosts were going for the win. What tosh.
I’m slowly reaching for my hat which I might have to start eating, as we’re witnessing something rather extraordinary.
Oh bugger, the curse of the blogger. Graeme Smith is out (90 off 55!) and Mike Hussey’s celebration after taking the catch in the deep perhaps said it all: Australia are relieved. I think they felt the game was slipping away from them…
What an incredible day’s cricket it’s been
Update
Gibbs reaches incredible hundred. Nathan Bracken DROPS HIM at mid-off! What the hell is going on? South Africa 247 for 2, needing 188 from 23 overs
14.34 GMT
Gibbs 150 from 100 balls. 164 needed from 21. Rate under 8 for the first time. Pictures I’m upping are here
14.48
Gibbs falls for 175 from 111. De Villiers also out. Kallis and Boucher now in. 136 from 18.1 overs.
15.48
30 from 18 needed, ANOTHER FOUR, Boucher’s doing it for South Africa. And Mick Lewis brings up his hundred too!
15.51
It’s gotta be SA now. 17 from 13
15.52
Four from Roger Telemarketing! (Telemachus) 13 from 12! Mick Lewis has the most expensive bowling stats, ever.
15.53
Telemachus caught, brilliantly, by Hussey, diving forward at mid-off! 12 from 10 with two wickets remaining. Bloody hell. Andrew Hall gets a standing ovation for walking onto the ground.
15.58
7 from 6
16.00
Lee struck on foot, saved four, ouch. 6 from 5
16.02
Hall smashes Lee through midwicket for FOUR! Brilliant shot.
16.04
Hall caught! OUT GONE! 2 from 3 needed, ONE WICKET LEFT
16.05
Ntini screams, gets a single, South Africa cannot lose. 1 from 2. Australia cannot, obviously, win it. This is bloody incredible
16.06
Boucher wins it with a slog over mid-on to record the best one-day victory ever. In the greatest one-day match, probably. Speechless.
36 Comments »Australia vs South Africa wrap
By Scott 2 years ago, at the start of February, 5 Comments »
I’m not the only one bored with the VB series going this long. I listened to the radio for most of the day while watching the play, as I was getting close to an act of violence if I had to listen to any more of Tony Greig’s insufferable inanities. Peter Roebuck was clearly even more bored then I was since he was more keen on discussing his charitable foundation’s activities in Africa then the game, and he follows my lead in calling for the format to be scrapped.
The game itself was actually good, and Adam Gilchrist was back to his sparkling best, scoring 88 off just 66 balls, with 14 glorious boundaries. His innings was theoretically terminated by a mis-played pull shot, but the actual thing that got him out was the commentator’s curse; as he passed 80, they started talking about double-centuries. He admits he was thinking about it himself, so obviously he got out.
Ponting, Martyn and Hussey all tucked in as well against a very weak South African pace attack, and settled on 344. Chasing that monster of a total, South Africa were just on the edge of possibility until Mark Boucher got out after scoring an excellent 76. They ended up with 287 for 6, which is a huge score in itself.
So a pretty meaningless game in the great scheme of things, but an entertaining fixture, at least compared to what happened in Melbourne on Friday. The difference was that the pitch here was good.
Statistical oddity- Australia scored 344 for 7 in 50 overs, with only one 6 for the innings. And that didn’t come up till the 46th over. Australia scored 300 in 45 overs, without going over the rope once. Bizzare.
5 Comments »Most inappropriate celebrity cricket commentators
By Will 2 years ago, at the end of January, 9 Comments »
Disclaimer: I have flu. I’m not thinking very straight. I don’t swear too much on this blog, so you’ll forgive the humourous outburst in this post as I amuse myself with a little story.
This is an old pub favourite of mine, usually only attempted after at least five or six pints, or at least when inhibitions don’t prevent you from acting out (as loud as possible) your best Samuel L Jackson impersonation. So. Who would be the most inappropriate celebrities to commentate on a cricket match and why?
Samuel L Jackson has to be one of my best, purely for that magically eloquent phrase, “You Motherfucker.” Picture the scene: Henry Blofeld is waffling uncontrollably at the mic, like the ageing cravate-wearing god of waffle he is; his producer, Peter Baxter, is tearing out what little hair he has left after a lifetime listening to Blowers’ fascination about red buses and curiously brown pigeons. And many other things. On comes Samuel, and the change immediately brings a a wicket:
“Yo, here comes Harmison and FUCK if aint got himself a wicket. That mother******’s bowled Afridi all over the mother******* shop. Yo bitch, you outta there!”
Baffled, Blofeld returns with a surprising and contrasting grace and ease of word. Jackson is sacked.
For entirely different reasons, The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair would also be utterly inappropriate as a cricket commentator. Even wedged between the uber-smooth Benaud / Nicholas combination, he’d out-shmooze Shiny Mark with such ease that Nicho would be reduced to his party-piece: taking off his wig and waving it around like a bafoon. Worse, though, would be our Tony’s handling of arguments that would arise in the comm box.
“Ambrosia. I think you meant Ambrose, there, Chony,” quips Benaud with unruffled glee. Nicho’s professional, but even he can’t hide a chuckle. Atherton’s on the floor, crying with laughter. Greig and Botham not sure what’s so funny; Botham assumes everyone’s laughing at him and smacks them with bats.
“Huh. Right, yeah - ok, hang on guys,” says Tony. “Look, I mean, you know, Gordon and I have been…oh no, wrong situation. [hands closed, palms facing inward in priest-like display of honesty to the thousands of listeners who can't see him.] Cherie and I are committed to…oh that’s not it either is it. Er, right, Euan apologies profusely to McEwans, he won’t do it again.”
Blair is sacked.
You see, we take our commentators for granted. They’re not a bad bunch, though; Nicho, as much as I’ve cringed and squirmed, is peerless these days as a presenter. He’s bloody brilliant, and his shiny shmoozing adds to the overal Nicho package. Celebrity commentators? Who’d have em?
Who would be your most inappropriate celebrities to commentate on a cricket match and why?
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