| 
Posts and words
Loading ...
sex
Test cricket shines, briefly
By Will 1 month ago, 4 Comments »
They didn’t look like they believed they could do it. At least, judging by their body language, that seemed to be the case with India today while South Africa’s Hashim Amla did a Paul Collingwood. One of cricket’s most romantic venus, Eden Gardens, was electrified by the suspense, the ground abuzz with passionate followers engrossed by the theatre, and were soon rewarded for their patience with the wicket of a devastated Morne Morkel. Ahh, bliss.
So India win by an innings, thus levelling the series. It’s all perfectly set up for a five-Test thriller. Can South Africa bounce back in the third? Will India’s victory carry them through? Can anyone get Hashim Amla out? What pitch will they prepare for the third and who will they pick? Will South Africa have the resolve to fight back? So many questions, none of which will be answered because this is, in nobody’s wisdom, a pathetically short two-Test series.
Today highlighted the modern sporting world. On the one hand, tradition waved its flag triumphantly: Test cricket again demonstrated its long-lasting appeal – even in India, the new home of Twenty20 and one of the fastest growing economies in the world, a rapidly evolving nation dealing with extraordinary change at social and political level. On the other, India (or the ICC – it’s difficult to be certain about how much control the governing body actually has these days) only had two Tests against supposedly one of the best teams in the sport. This should have been the ideal opportunity to showcase the prime format of the sport with a long, arduous, impossibly engrossing series which takes over the lives of the fans and keeps both the authorities and television execs happy.
Instead, we’re all left kicking our heels and feeling strangely empty, like reading a really good book and having it snatched away from you or the pages torn out. Worse, the very fact it was only two Tests completely put me off the series at the start. I couldn’t be bothered in wasting my energies getting excited when I knew the tablecloth would be whipped away just when I was tucking into the main course.
Tests cannot be brief dalliances. They demand a long, emotionally-scarring, gut-wrenching relationship to be formed, leaving you exhausted but elated; confused, sometimes mournful, but ultimately glad for the experience. These one (or two) night stands are good for nobody, save the boards and TV companies who demand the sugar rush of Twenty20 be fed intravenously and anonymously and constantly.
4 Comments »Sex scandal rocks Indian cricket
By Will last year, at the end of September, 4 Comments »
Never thought I’d have reason to write that headline. And yes, it’s almost entirely overblown and hype-filled, but it made me smile, as did the news story. Gary Kirsten, the missionary…
4 Comments »Gary Kirsten, India’s coach, has said he was not involved in the preparing a controversial document that encouraged cricketers to have sex before matches.
He said it was drafted by the mental conditioning coach, Paddy Upton, and that he first read about it only two days ago when a newspaper published parts of it. Kirsten also said the document was not a part of team strategy, nor aimed at encouraging sexual activity, but was about providing information to the players.
“My family and I have been deeply offended and hurt by the many allegations that I encouraged the Indian players to engage in sexual activity before a match,” Kirsten read out from a prepared statement at a press conference in Centurion. “I would like to state that I have never, and I repeat, never encouraged or told the team or any player to engage in any form of sexual activity. These allegations are absolutely not true and completely against my religious and moral beliefs.
“The leaked article was compiled by Paddy Upton and provided information for the players on relationship between sexual activity and sports performance. I never wrote the article and read it for the first time two days ago. It has never been and never will be part of team strategy,” Kirsten said. “I have been deeply disturbed by these false allegations and wish to focus my attention on helping Team India have a successful Champions Trophy.”
The Indian players had been handed a four-part document which looked at the country’s history, the cricketers’ diet, besides analysing the relation between sex and performance on the field.
Naughty Ashes
By Will last year, at the end of July, 3 Comments »
Brilliant. If you can’t see it, click here. You must.
3 Comments »The sleazy affair is over
By Will last year, mid-February, 17 Comments »
They call it Stella vision, waking up the next morning next to a monstrosity with whom you’ve shared the most intimate and brief of relations. Your head’s banging, your mouth dry, and the urge to escape and pretend it never happened is almost overwhelming.
That might be roughly how Giles Clarke and other ECB board members are feeling right now, after the news that Sir Allen Stanford, Clarke’s prized jewel of his tenure, has been accused of “fraud of a shocking magnitude” by the Securities & Exchange Commission. No amount of ibuprofen is going to lessen or cure this embarrassment for the ECB. The sleazy affair is well and truly done and dusted.
All the signs were there, right from when he shocked the establishment by landing his helicopter at Lord’s, all the way to the accusations by the Venezuelan secret police that the CIA were paying his employees to spy. Now, we learn that Stanford could have been involved in up to £5.6billion of fraudulent activities. The Hollywood script is beginning to shape up nicely, and you can almost hear Clarke’s heartbeat thudding through his ribcage. His time with Majestic Wine ended acrimoniously, and Pet City – which he founded in the mid-1990s – was a loss-making venture, though his shares still earned him about £20m. Was the deal with Stanford done for cricket’s interest, the ECB’s, or Giles Clarke? We may never know, but questions will now be asked about Clarke’s position, and moreover why better background investigations were not taken place by the ECB. The questioning seemed to be something like this:
Who is Stanford? What is the Stanford Group? Can he further English and West Indian cricket by money alone? Do we care? Shall we see if his first cheque goes through and, if so, take the risk? No one offering that amount of money can be dodgy; he’ll be true to his word. He must be a good egg (and a very clever one too) if he’s made all that money. Let’s do it. Where do we sign, Sir Allen? I hear you have a place in Colombia, too! Wow. Sir Allen, don’t think me as rude, but that man with the sunglasses and serious expression on his face has been following you around all day. Oh, very impressive – private security! No, let me open the door. So, tell me – this place in Colombia…
Cricket isn’t used to this extravagance, this bare-faced gluttony which Stanford brought. In the end, it was all too good to be true.
In 2007 Clarke was asked whether there are any similarities between cricket and business. “They are both long-term games and can change incredibly swiftly with just a couple of events,” he said. “The key element is teamwork; both teams and companies which are dependent on one person have fundamental long-term flaws.”
Quite so, Giles.
17 Comments »Craig McDermott in sex tape and bribe shocker
By Will 3 years ago, at the end of May, No Comments; be the first!
Poor old McDermott. Just getting cosy with his wife, thinks “let’s tape it for the memories,” and some dirty fiend gets his grubby mitts on it, threatens to post it on tinterweb.
A MAN accused of using a sex tape to extort more than $50,000 from former Australian Test cricketer Craig McDermott has been committed to stand trial.
Boat detailer Peter Josef Vigan, 36, of Oxenford, appeared in Southport Magistrates Court today charged with one count of demanding money with the threat of a detriment.
Vigan originally faced eight separate charges but following negotiations between his lawyer Bill Potts and the prosecution it was reduced to one charge covering four allegations.
More.
No Comments »Shane on you!
By Will 4 years ago, at the start of May, 17 Comments »
Maybe my dislike of tabloids stems from an unconscious desire to write the headlines. I mean how brilliant is the News of the World’s SHANE ON YOU?! For those not in the know, it appears Shane Warne has invited the tabloid lions to feast upon him. Again! This time, all in detailed graphic footage which is as disturbing as it is hilarious. Here’s the report from one of NOTW’s infamous journos (this had me doubled over, wetting myself)
LEGENDARY bowler Shane Warne was on red-hot form (FORM!) the night he took two for dirty sex (TWO FOR DIRTY SEX!) in a three-hour spell at the crease (AT THE CREASE! I’ll stop now).
And the randy Aussie cricket ace had model pals Emma Kearney and Coralie Eichholtz in a spin as he topped their wonderful figures again and again in a memorable innings at Emma’s flat last Thursday.
Shameless Shane, 36, even got his two wicked maidens to play with a giant inflatable middle stump as he showed just why his marriage to long-suffering wife Simone has been reduced to Ashes.
All the gossip and more at their site.
17 Comments »Cricket club hit for sex
By Will 4 years ago, mid-April, 1 Comment »
Couldn’t resist the headline, grabbed from the Sun. What a story!
Nice’n'Naughty had agreed to back Southport Trinity Cricket Club, with their logo already printed on shirts.
But the deal was scrapped after the team were threatened with being axed from the Liverpool and District Competition of the ECB Premier League.
Club chairman Colin Maxwell said: “We didn’t think this would be a problem.”
He added: “We know Nice’n'Naughty is not to everybody’s taste… but it is a legitimate high-street company.
