| 
Posts and words
Loading ...
politics
If cricketers were in power…
By Will last year, mid-November, 3 Comments »
…what posts would they take in the British government?
Prime Minister – Michael Vaughan
Sorry Strauss. Vaughan has a more Blairite public face with Yorkshire steel propping up his policies. Universally respected; peace envoy to the middle east already a certainty.
Deputy Prime Minister – Andrew Strauss
No Blair/Brown ego wars here. Strauss would never turn the job down if offered, but second in command suits his style.
Chancellor of the Exchequer – Matthew Hoggard
We need someone thrifty from Yorkshire to keep a tab on taxes and mortgage rates. Yearly budget speech guaranteed entertainment.
Secretary of State for Defence – Mike Atherton
Rock solid. Nothing’s getting past that. Get out of my sight, outswinging terrorists; this is Lancashire’s finest.
Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills, First Secretary and Lord President of the Council – Alastair Cook
Mandyesque smarminess required. Mandyesque smarminess found. God-like aspirations will fall on deaf ears, as will all his policies.
Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs – David Lloyd
Everyone would love him.
Secretary of State for Justice and Lord Chancellor – Bob Willis
All derelict houses to be turned into prisons. Anyone not capable of an upright seam sentenced to five years labour making cricket balls. All umpires to spend seven months in solitary confinement on evidence of a “truly shocking” decision being made.
Secretary of State for Health – Andrew Flintoff
Just one of his roles. Expected to offer cheerful assistance to PM on most matters, and spend the other half of his time supporting Lloyd on foreign trips.
Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport – Paul Collingwood
You’s culture can fuck off, and that media – we’s all about the sport.
Attorney General – Geoffrey Boycott
Don’t mess.
Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs – Steve Harmison
Has you’s tasted these potatoes what our mam grown in garden?
Secretary of State for Wales – (Simon Jones 2003-2005, nearly deceased). Robert Croft
Potentially too nationalistic but reliable and economical.
Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families – Steve Harmison
Ah, mah wee bairns – ah loves you’s all.
Any others?
3 Comments »Nick Griffin on Question Time
By Will last year, at the end of October, 2 Comments »
Yes, of course, let’s give Nick Griffin his time in the spotlight, but if he’s going to be subject to scrutiny, why can’t it be a cold, slow one done without anaesthetic rather than the televised mob-in that was mounted on Thursday?
I don’t want Griffin to carry home an iota of a chance of saying he was given an unfair hearing when it’s perfectly possible to sit him alone in a room with a seasoned interrogator asking him questions about his transport policy, tax agenda, plans for the economy and opinions about building regulation.
My suspicion is he would look more confused and unstuck than he did on our Friday morning front pages. As a form of inquisition, it would be less storm troopers and more Doctor Mengele. All of whom, by the way, Nick, did actually exist.
I was hell bent on watching this car-crash television in the hope Griffin would be the car, and the rest of us the barrier into which he crashed, haplessly, sweating racist beads from his oily face. And that did happen to an extent – he was perfectly victimised. But to have him sat next to a black woman and a prominent Asian figure only ratcheted up the nonsensical, predictably staged nature of the whole exercise. He deserved to be on Question Time, and made a fool of himself, but by a baying audience who were blood thirsty and pathetically booing everything he said.
It would’ve been a lot more interesting to have him sat with Jeremy Paxman and be grilled on the BNP’s policies. No need for public scrutiny: the massacre would have unfolded beautifully without any need for heckling, and in one fell swoop, the BNP would have been highlighted for exactly what it is (and what it isn’t).
2 Comments »History beckons
By Will 2 years ago, at the start of November, 2 Comments »
(Disclaimer: yes, I know, this is a cricket blog. But I occasionally divert onto things I discover, things I’m interested in or passionate about. Cricket is but one of those things. This one is about politics. Stop reading now if that bores you).
I don’t claim to know Obama and McCain’s policies inside out. The same goes for Gordon Brown and David Cameron. But I’ve been consumed by the American election, and can’t help feeling the weight of history on the USA’s shoulders tonight.
What most interests me is not the two candidates, fascinating though it’s been to watch them tussle – more the level of passion towards them that exists in America. The determination and commitment, mostly by volunteers, to back their man to the hilt, spending hours and days and weeks performing endless leaflet drops and doing their tiny bit to aid the campaigns. It is seriously impressive.
The coverage of this drama has been quite suffocating at times by the BBC – the news reports have been almost as exhaustive as if this was a British election – but to witness how deeply Americans care about their political system is to watch democracy, however flawed that concept might be, in action. From a Briton’s perspective, it’s been fascinating. We just don’t engender that same level of support. Brown, Cameron – bah, who cares? My Dad was conservative all his life; that’ll do me then. That seems to be the peak of our interest.
I saw John Prescott’s programme on class the other night (surprisingly good), and in it, a girl said “Brown? Gordon who? Who’s he?” I know I’m threatening to devalue my currency as a young, hip and decidedly brilliant 26-year-old with this next question, but I don’t care: are there really people in this country of intelligible age who don’t know the name of our Prime Minister?
Yes, that’ll happen in America too – but will we ever have that same drive and commitment towards a politician and determination for change that the States has shown? I can’t see it. Good on you America. It might be showy, it might smack of a charade and be utterly corrupt – a media machine like no other. You may have some truly idiotic people waiting to be your vice presidents, too. But at least people are involved and interested and engaged in their futures, a notion that Britain can only dream of.
Our kids and grand-children might one day ask “Where were you when Barack Obama was voted in?” It’s an exciting day and I hope it has inspired younger people in Britain.
2 Comments »Sri Lanka cannot – must not – tour Zimbabwe
By Steven Price 2 years ago, mid-October, 5 Comments »
Steven Price is a freelance journalist in Zimbabwe
|
||
This week’s news that Sri Lanka’s players and board have opted to play in the Indian Premier League rather than honour a signed commitment to tour England next year has been noted with interest inside Zimbabwe’s dwindling cricket community. They have sent a clear signal: when the choice is between money and playing for your country then cash is king. The question now is what will happen when the decision is between playing for your county and morality.
Sri Lanka are scheduled, according to the ICCs increasingly meaningless Future Tour Program, to visit Zimbabwe sometime in the next few months. According to the blinkered logic of the ICC, there is absolutely no reason the series should not go ahead.
However if you speak to anyone inside the country (anyone, that is, not in the dollar-rich inner circle of the Zimbabwe cricket board) there is increasing incredulity that anyone can seriously consider playing given the current situation inside the Zimbabwe.
The ICC might drone on about sport and politics not mixing (Pakistan might raise an eyebrow or two at that suggestion) but there has to come a point, somewhere, when even the most blinkered logic realises enough is enough.
By the United Nations’ own estimates, almost half of Zimbabwe’s 10 million population are on the brink of starvation. Ignoring the whys and wherefores of the reasons for that, can Sri Lanka’s players really sit in their cosseted five-star hotels in Harare and Bulawayo and eat their bountiful meals while half of the very people serving them are starving?
The tourists will not be harmed. Zimbabweans are peaceful people. And besides, the state-run police and security forces will ensure only the handpicked few get near enough to even shake their hands. But the issue is not security. By touring, the Sri Lankans will be giving credibility to Robert Mugabe’s insane claims that things are OK. How can they not be when cricket sides are happy to tour? No longer can anyone seriously maintain that the cricketers will not be used as a political tool.
|
||
Cricket has all but ceased inside Zimbabwe despite the propaganda of the board. School cricket is dead outside the few surviving private establishments, through no fault of ZC – the schools themselves are dead. Teachers have fled the country in thousands and there is no money for books, repairs or salaries of those that remain. Inflation, now 240,000,000% and rising, saps the will to live.
Club cricket is in a similar state. Almost all the good, qualified coaches have left, along with a steady flow of local players, and for most there is no way of maintaining facilities or buying equipment. The only few clubs that continue to prosper, and the ones where visiting ICC dignitaries are shown, are those such as Tashinga with close links to the government.
The chances of the Logan Cup taking place this season are also diminishing. The veneer of normality and the illusion that the game is thriving across the land was maintained last year by ZC bussing players from Harare to other regions to boost the playing strength of areas where the game was dying.
The decision over the Sri Lanka tour will have been made in Dubai this week where the ICC executives met. The thought that Peter Chingoka, a man banned by the European Community because of his overt links to the Mugabe regime, could fly business class to such a meeting and be wined and dined in a luxurious hotel while his country starves underlines for many the hypocrisy of the ICC.
The question now is whether, given the collapse of the power-sharing agreement and the impending humanitarian disaster, anyone can seriously want to play cricket in Zimbabwe. Sri Lanka’s players were quick enough to take a stand when money was at stake. We can only hope they are as quick to rest on their morals.
5 Comments »Bill Clinton’s speech
By Will 2 years ago, at the end of August, 3 Comments »
Say what you like about American politics, but you cannot deny the sheer entertainment value, or its ability to engage with the public. The campaign in the USA has been enthralling for all the usual reasons, and the speeches often spine-tinglingly sycophantic. But to watch Bill Clinton address the Democratic National Convention in Denver was to witness one of the modern masters of oratory. Watch the video. It’s about 25 minutes and quite brilliant in its use of rhetoric, facial expressions, and in whipping up the crowd at just the right moments.
I’ve always hated the quasi-religious feel to American politics. Watching Joe Public burst into tears at the sight of his favourite democratic candidate is distinctly un-British. Yet the interest surrounding this campaign has been astonishing, even taking into account the false sense of drama, of celebrity, noise, money and colour which often characterises politics in the States.
And yet, can you imagine David Cameron or Gordon Brown whipping the cynical British public into such a frenzy, instilling their vision into our minds? No, nor me. For once, I’m a little jealous of America. I love all the tradition of our politics (apart from the unelected Lords, who should all be put in a home), but how can Cameron and co engage with our public with the same infectious spirit of Barack Obama and Bill Clinton?
3 Comments »Barack Obama: the couscous candidate
By Will 2 years ago, mid-January, 5 Comments »
As may or may not be apparent, I’m a big fan of political satire, and indeed comedy as a whole. Most writers think they possess acerbic wit and the ability to satirise our lives and politicians, but few cut the mustard. One of the very best, in this country and most others, is Armando Iannucci who has written, produced, directed and featured in some of Britain’s best comedies in the past 20 years. Anything he writes is must-read, and here is his take on Barack Obama:
But, rhythmically, it’s quite alluring. It can make anything, even, for example, a simple chair, seem magnificent. Why vote for someone who says: ‘See that chair. You can sit on it’ when you can have someone like Obama say: ‘This chair can take your weight. This chair can hold your buttocks, 15 inches in the air. This chair, this wooden chair, can support the ass of the white man or the crack of the black man, take the downward pressure of a Jewish girl’s behind or the butt of a Buddhist adolescent, it can provide comfort for Muslim buns or Mormon backsides, the withered rump of an unemployed man in Nevada struggling to get his kids through high school and needful of a place to sit and think, the plump can of a single mum in Florida desperately struggling to make ends meet but who can no longer face standing, this chair, made from wood felled from the tallest redwood in Chicago, this chair, if only we believed in it, could sustain America’s huddled arse.’
Superb. Read it here.
5 Comments »A break from politics
By Will 3 years ago, at the end of November, 1 Comment »
I just bumped into Boris Johnson. The opportunity was too good to miss, so I introduced myself from Cricinfo and, after explaining what field of journalism we were in, he claimed to know us. Which was good of him, even if it’s not true.
Anyway, it reminded me of my boss’s Cricinfo XI today: politicians in love with cricket. On a similar note, I saw Harriot Harmon on PMQ’s just now wearing what can only be described as a brown leather bikers’ jacket. Blair’s Babes are out; Brown’s Biyatches are in.
1 Comment »Notes from the pavilion for October 27th
By Will 3 years ago, at the end of October, 2 Comments »
- Andrew Flintoff ‘drink disgrace’ on tour – Fletcher’s book is going to be fascinating reading for sure…
- Murali is last hope for Wallaby wannabe – A terrific piece – read it
- Rudolph considers England future – Another South African threatens to split…
- Warne says the county game is a source of England strength -
Religion and politics
By Will 3 years ago, mid-March, 3 Comments »
“You wouldn’t normally associate cricket with Catholics,” he said after a training session at the Aga Khan ground this week. “It’s more a protestant sport in Northern Ireland. There were always British army troops based in Northern Ireland and Strabane and, perhaps, they would’ve brought it with them. But it’s always had an affection with the locals and it’s been played by all traditions in Strabane.”
That’s what Peter Gillespie, the Ireland allrounder, told me in Nairobi in February. So it was interesting to read this post from an Ireland blogger about his country beating Pakistan and what ramifications it might have.
To a Pakistani, Ireland beating their national team must be a bit like San Marino beating Brazil in soccer. Our national soccer coach was nearly flayed alive (metaphorically) by soccer pundits for nearly drawing against San Marino a few months ago, so I can only imagine what the depth of feeling was in Pakistan when the result came through. That said, our soccer team manager is still alive.. The death of Bob Woolmer in some way underlies the personal emotional turmoil involved when a good team struggles at the top grade.
For Ireland, to have such a success in such an unexpected sport can only be a good thing. It’s quite likely we have a wealth of cricketing talent in the country, as one of our more popular games – hurling – demands very similar skills to cricket. Also, we are beginning to see an easing of the unwritten laws that divided many sports into “Protestant†and “Catholic†games. Such a de-politicisation of sport is very welcome.
“Cricket helped me see the world,” Gillespie said, “but it also helped me see a new outlook – especially growing through a lot of turmoil in Northern Ireland and our town. Cricket was a get-out clause. I was able to get to know all types of different people, backgrounds and religions and it helped me broaden my outlook in general.”
Can cricket, or sport, really depoliticise communities or countries? Recent history has shown cricket, more than most other sports, acts as a victim of politics (last World Cup; Eng/Zim). When has it been the damp cloth, dousing political hot fires? Sorry for the metaphor.
Pakistan and India are a case in point: very nearly at war with one another off the pitch, and definitely in battle when they play cricket. Anyway, just some thoughts. Up the Irish, and all that.
3 Comments »Cricket’s superpowers
By Will 5 years ago, mid-September, 25 Comments »
I’ve only skim read this, but it looks worthy of reading more closely tomorrow. Reading, disecting and – more than likely – disagreeing with. An article on cricket’s superpowers.
If this were geopolitics, then Australia would be the United States, the one unquestioned superpower for over a decade, used to getting their own way ever since they saw off their rival superpower, the West Indies, in the early 1990s (the West Indian cricket team, like the Russian state, now seems to be in a condition of permanent and rather squalid decline). India, meanwhile, would be China, the superpower of the future, with all the resources needed to beat the Australians at their own game – the manpower, the talent, the raw nationalist passion – so long as a way can be found by their often corrupt and incompetent administrators of harnessing these obvious advantages. And England? England would be the EU: once the centre of the world, but currently engaged in an urgent and not always pretty attempt to modernise in order not to get left behind.
Hat tip: Joe
25 Comments »Alternative commentators
By Will 5 years ago, at the start of May, 3 Comments »
As I just mentioned, and I don’t know his name, but this South African commentator really takes the piss. I’m picky when it comes to radio and TV commentary: I want information, but not too much. I want humour, but not too much. I do not want crap, and I do not want commentators who sound like they’ve been to media school – this guy makes Tony Blackburn seem dull.
Therefore, I propose the following alternate voices – from past and present – who could do a better job, and lighten the mood. I’m assuming each one has indepth knowledge of the great game, even though none/few do.
Margaret Thatcher: imagine those husky, oddly masculine tones as she describes a Vaughan cover drive
Dalek: imitating, not replacing, Richie Benaud’s infamous “choo for chwenty choo” (TWO. FOR. TWEN. TEA. TWO)
Tony Blackburn: well why not? Can hardly do anyone worse than Saffer Safferson above.
Scooby/Scrappy Doo: Yikes! It’s a Six, scoobs!
Winston Churchill: “They shall fight on the pavillion roof. They shall fight in the canteen. They shall fight at the wicket, on the boundary, and McGrath will never be surrendered too”
Robert DeNiro: “Are you talkin’ to me?” as Henry Blofeld offers him some cake
This could go on for a bit…so I’ll stop there
3 Comments »Tony Blair destroys cricket pitch
By Will 5 years ago, mid-April, 6 Comments »
One more reason to VOTE OUT THE GRINNING TWIT: he’s ruined a Milton Keynes cricket pitch. Bastard. Bet he’s never even been to a game. At least John Major was a fan, and has recently been voted in to the MCC committee.
DON’T BE APATHETIC: IF YOU DON’T VOTE, YOU CAN’T COMPLAIN!!!
6 Comments »India and Pakistan healing old wounds
By Will 5 years ago, mid-April, 2 Comments »
Back in March, I wrote about the distinct possibility of cricket bridging these 2 nuclear countries together – and even the hope of denuclearisation. After Pakistan’s absolutely stunning victory in their ODI series, the final match having been attended by senior government officials from both countries, there is now genuine belief that old wounds are healing.
Manmohan Singh and Pervez Musharraf (Musharraf was in India for the first time since 2001) released a joint statement, including the following agreements:
-
set up a joint business council to improve trade
-
launch a rail link between the Indian state of Rajasthan and the Pakistani province of Sindh by 1 January 2006
-
increase the frequency of the bus service across divided Kashmir launched on 7 April
-
allow trucks to use this route to promote trade
-
open a new bus link between Poonch in Indian Kashmir and Rawalakot in Pakistani Kashmir
-
reopen consulates in Mumbai (Bombay) and Karachi by the end of the year
-
begin a bus service between Amritsar and Lahore
Now, I don’t know how much of a part cricket had to play in bringing the two leaders together. But it had some affect, however big or small. It is that which just amazes me – how sport can impact on people’s lives and, seemingly, cricket in particular.
Meanwhile, someone called Mulayam Singh Yadav thinks Indians should not be watching Cricket:
Cricket is not our game, wrestling is. In fact, cricket should not be played at all
I wonder how peace talks would have continued if wrestling became India’s national game…
2 Comments »Cricket – politically correct?
By Will 5 years ago, mid-April, 3 Comments »
I had to laugh. Watching the highlights of the India v Australia Women’s World Cup Final just now, where Karen Rolton hit a match-winning 107*, she was given the new award of “Player of the match.” Brilliant! What’s wrong with “Woman of the match”? I don’t see what’s wrong with “Man of the match,” but I see why girls would hate it. (my point being that the use of “Man” could constitute “man on earth,” as in homoerectus. i.e. it’s not necessarily specifically a male gender term, it’s a collective term for all human beings).
I used to work for the NHS, and like most massive organisations there’s a whole load of politics. There are also FAR too many women running it, but that’s another story. Anyway, if a meeting is called, it is the Chair who speaks…not the Chairman! I just find all this politically sensitive crap hilarious. (Manhole covers: peoplehole covers, Body Odor: Nondiscretionary fragrance, Bald: Follicularly challenged, “I’m not a liar, I’m just ethically disoriented.” etc etc)
3 Comments »Tony Blair – opening bowler, or middle-order batsman?
By Will 5 years ago, at the start of April, 2 Comments »
Tony Blair could be playing a cricket match in Parliament Square. Well, not likely, but you never know. A website by the name of UK Indymedia have challenged MPs in the Houses of Parliament to a game. They describe themselves as:
” Indymedia UK is a network of individuals, independent and alternative media activists and organisations, offering grassroots, non-corporate, non-commercial coverage of important social and political issues. ”
And their letter to the government follows:
Dear
As a part of the government, and an elected representative of the people of this country we employ you to manage the affairs of our country in an honourable and respectable fashion. To uphold our rights and the rights of people the world over, to act as an ambassador for the people of this country in your dealings with other nations and to place the well being of the people and our surroundings above financial or any other concerns.
As a conscientious member of the public, it is my role to monitor the movements and interactions of the people who represent my fellow citizens and I within government. We are growing alarmed at the manner in which our government is handling our affairs. Time and time again we hear of corporate relationships coming before human or environmental concerns. We hear that our armies are being sent out to protect us from evil, only to later find that we are an occupying army looking out for western oil interests, and the weapons we were told to be afraid of were a figment of the imagination. Next we are told that the original mission was to remove a corrupt dictator, later we find out that we are the ones being dictated to. We hear that we are going to rebuild Iraq after the devastation caused by our forces, only to fund out that this is simply a thin cover to exploit an occupied nations resources for our financial gain. We hear that terrorists are due to strike as they are jealous of our democratic system, only to wake up with draconian laws enforcing us to carry ID cards and banning protest against government anywhere that they may hear it.
This will not do, you are not acting in an honourable fashion.
We the Space Hijackers, hereby challenge you and your fellow Members of Parliament to a game of cricket. We challenge you to show us that your morals and behaviour are fit to govern this country. Prove to us that your support of the Olympic bid was not just more hot air. Prove to us and the rest of the country that you are what you claim to be. Prove it to us on the batting crease.
We look forward to receiving your acceptance or decline of the challenge in the very near future.
A decline of our challenge will be seen by us and the entire British Public as acceptance that you are the morally and honourably corrupt government that we suspect. We shall see you at the pitch.
Yours Sincerely,
On behalf of the Space Hijackers and the greater British Public.
Fantastic – well done them, even if it comes to nothing, bloody good on them. Big question is, though….what will Tony Blair do, where will he bat, and how can the Space Hijackers beamer him and make it appear accidental?
2 Comments » « Previous Entries