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England’s 2009 celebrations in full
By Will last year, at the end of August, 2 Comments »
From the always-witty Alany Tyers:
2 Comments »Those Ashes Celebrations In Full
ANDREW STRAUSS: Busy night for the young dad skipper: doing up shoelaces, wiping noses, checking everyone had been for a wee. Surely it’s now time that other batsmen took some responsibility with their preparations for a night out?
STUART BROAD: Showed terrific temperament and all-round composure in dealing with hard-to-eat meal of crab followed by spaghetti and ordering difficult-to-pronounce wine from snitty waiter. Blotted copybook slightly by showing dissent when bill arrived.
JONATHAN TROTT: Found in street belting out national anthem (and mouthing words uncertainly during those tricky Zulu and Xhosa bits).
ALASTAIR COOK: Keeps making same basic errors at every night out: turning up in trainers when everyone knew it was ‘smart but casual’ and ensuring the group can’t get in anywhere; having to phone girlfriend every half an hour to reassure her he isn’t up to no good; being very boring when talking to a group of attractive women so they all leave…
PAUL COLLINGWOOD: Workmanlike fancy dress outfit (Your Basic Comedy Mexican) could not disguise modest overall contribution to night out.
MONTY PANESAR: Invited along for karaoke skills but “didn’t get a lot of assistance from the microphone”. Surprisingly effective on quiz machine; keeping team in it against the odds on quickfire round of Deal Or No Deal.
GRAHAM ONIONS: Absent; Steve Harmison nicked his ticket.
JIMMY ANDERSON: Started evening strongly but slumped incoherent in corner by closing time.
RAVI BOPARA: Cockiness ensured considerable female interest in nightclub and used pick-up lines successfully on some rather homely girls; panicked and spilt drink down himself when attractive ones turned up.
IAN BELL: Looked great, but struggled to really dominate the conversation and was reduced to going “Ha ha ha… yeah” and repeating what other people had just said.
MATT PRIOR: Stunned team-mates and punters alike by carrying tray of drinks back from bar without dropping and turning out to actually be a good bloke to have around.
GRAEME SWANN: Cheeky chappie, great all-round effort: booked stripper, provided comedy moustaches, got his round in, chatted up a hen-do. Suspicion that he might fall just short of being top-class entertainment manager.
KEVIN PIETERSEN: Absent; at home watching Police Academy VI on ITV4, eating oven chips. Texted to say he was having brilliant time in Bungalow 8 with Lamps, Jude Law and Clive Rice.
ANDREW FLINTOFF: Quiet meal with nearest and dearest (i.e. took Steve Harmison to Pizza Hut).
STEVE HARMISON: Became distressed by proliferation of “fancy foreign food” in Pizza Hut; got cab back up to Ashington.
Anderson, Broad take on the questioners
By Will last year, mid-June, No Comments; be the first!
When we came into this tournament, a lot of people were saying we lacked the basic interviewing skills to answer a few simple questions without becoming bogged down and making the same old errors of saying: “Er, well, obviously we’ve got to be disappointed with that, er, Nas, er, I mean Wardy.” And it’s true that, in the past, some of our lads have frozen under the lights in these short-format interviews. But I think we can all be very proud of the way we’ve dealt with some often highly-skilled questioners over the last couple of weeks.
Every one of those lads in that dressing room has done a great job, but I’d like to single out Jimmy Anderson. A few years ago, Jimmy would have just stared back at the interviewer with his mouth open, looking like he might cry. But these days, he listens to the question, nods a bit and then he’s straight into the right areas by saying: “Look, I just try to get it into the right areas.”
More chuckles from Alan “Alany” Tyers.
No Comments »Andrew MacDonald? Ronald MacDonald more like (titter)
By Will last year, mid-May, No Comments; be the first!
Guffaws all round today as Bob Willis fired the first, err, jibe at Australia. The Sun ran with it and, being the special people they are, photoshopped Ronald MacDonald’s mug atop Andrew’s body.
God love you, Bob. You’re fast becoming a treasured national institution; as gaffe-prone and eager to stir the shit as Fred Trueman. More! More!
No Comments »It’s not funny? Or is it…
By Will 2 years ago, at the end of December, 7 Comments »
“It’s not funny anymore” by Peter English. Oh yea, this is VERY funny, especially to the rest of the cricket world. Aussies, welcome to what the rest of the world had to endure the last 15+ years. It is payback time.
A comment left at Cricinfo to my colleague’s piece on Australia’s defeat. It’s hard not to agree, certainly as an Englishman. Most of all, I just have an overwhelming feeling of relief that the baton has at last been passed on. Australians may not agree (do you?), but it’s by far the best thing for the world game – as long as Australia is replaced. There needs to be a leader of the pack if Tests are to survive the onslaught of Twenty20 cricket, I think.
7 Comments »On yer bike!
By Will 2 years ago, mid-November, 2 Comments »
God, I think I love Bill Lawry. Just listen to this collection of blinkered, one-eyed, completely OTT commentary. He is an inspiration to someone, somewhere, and let’s hope he gives birth to a new generation of ridiculously enthusiastic commentators. Take it away, Bill, you ruddy bluddy legend.
The video is here if you can’t see it above.
2 Comments »Bruised by Hoggy
By Will 2 years ago, mid-June, No Comments; be the first!
Friend of the blog; friend of beer; friend of cheese, Patrick Kidd, has been bruised like a pear by Matthew Hoggard. Stop laughing – you’d do no better and nor would I.
Never trust a Yorkshireman, even those with an amiable gait. That’s what I say.
No Comments »‘Please wait here for first available wicket’
By Will 2 years ago, mid-January, 3 Comments »
This is superb:
Somehow, watching the West Indies collapse in fine style this morning against South Africa, I couldn’t help thinking about this sign I saw while waiting in line to renew my driver’s license.
From Sean, who built/administers CaribbeanCricket.com – a website about bicycle tyre pricing. No, not really; it’s dedicated to West Indian cricket.
He told me that a wicket (in Canada, and probably America, and probably everywhere else) is a ticket boot where you are served, like in a post office. Shamefully, perhaps because I’ve been a cricket fan most of my life, I was completely ignorant as to the other meanings of the word.
3 Comments »Corridor of Uncertainty number plates
By Will 3 years ago, at the end of October, No Comments; be the first!
“I know that you’re a bit hard up for money to keep the blog going,” Hammy writes, “but to sell number plates relating to your blog? Really. Taken in Perth, Western Australia. I’ve been waiting for ages for the COU number plate to arrive and took a photo of the first one that I came across.”
Not guilty, m’lud. Donations and/or free hosting and/or beer and chocolate gratefully received though.
No Comments »Notes from the pavilion for October 23rd
By Will 3 years ago, at the end of October, 2 Comments »
Links of note from the past 24 hours:
- English cricket to assist addicts –
- Chappell attacks Botham. Again – Children, children…
- Geoffrey Legge – Brilliant line in this Almanack obit: ‘Lt. Geoffrey Bevington Legge, Fleet Air Arm, suffered death while flying in November, aged 37′
Black guys running all over the pitch…
By Will 3 years ago, at the start of August, 2 Comments »
God bless Bill Lawry
Click here if you can’t hear the gaffe.
2 Comments »Vaughan all mouth and no trousers
By Will 3 years ago, mid-June, 2 Comments »
What a winner. Michael Vaughan loses his trousers, and could there anyone better than David Lloyd to commentate on it?
Harmison and his blind guide dog
By Will 3 years ago, mid-June, No Comments; be the first!
While his master leads the England bowling attack, Steve Harmison’s dog, Magoo, participates in the British Dog Agility Championships.
Via Patrick and Pootergeek.
No Comments »Round like a shot
By Will 3 years ago, at the end of May, 10 Comments »
Just received this from a friend. Nothing to do with cricket but too good not to share.
My daughter looks like Sreesanth
By Will 3 years ago, mid-March, 4 Comments »
Email of the week:
Hi guys, I reside in Durban South Africa.
Could you guys please,if possible send me contact details for Indian cricket star, Shanthakumaran Shreesanth. My daughter who is 13 years of age has a striking resemblance to him and she is his greatest fan. She says that he must be a long lost relative from India.
Thanks a million
Anand
Light relief from a very dark day.
4 Comments »Ooh, ahh, Glenn McGrath. Spoofish video
By Will 3 years ago, at the start of March, 14 Comments »
Best watched at about 10am, in your office, and ideally when you’re boss / team-leader / line-manager or someone else is giving a speech. Shortly afterwards, and for the remainder of the day, you’ll be unable to say anything other than Ooh, ahh, Glenn McGrath…
If you can’t see it above, click here.
[via CI]
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