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Relive Harmison’s horrors
By Will last year, at the end of November, 1 Comment »
It’s November 18 as I write this while checking on Steve Harmison’s progress for the Lions in South Africa. It reminded me of that horrific first over of last year’s Ashes. Me and my two colleagues were so ridiculously up for the series, we sprinted into work at 10pm (wearing stupid wigs and hats)…and the whole excitement disappeared in a matter of five minutes once Harmison had sprayed it like an aerosol.
So relive those glorious moments of exactly 12 months ago with the commentary below!
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| Here’s Harmison…Now then, it’ll be Steve Harmison bowling to Justin Langer for the first ball of the Ashes. The roar goes up - it is unbelievably loud out there - “Langer’s wearing a sweater! He’s obviously in it for the long haul,” says Andrew Miller.Here come England to rapturous applause and cheers of “Ingerland, Ingerland, Ingerland” from the hordes of England fans. Justin Langer and Matthew Hayden are on the boundary edge and they are seriously pumped up; swinging their bats wildly, sparring with them like boxers before a bout.We’re moments away - the ground looks a picture, under a morning sun which is already scorching hot. We hope you enjoy out commentary today, wherever you are in the world, and don’t forget to keep an eye on our bulletin - from Andrew Miller at the ground - as well as our photo index.Morning Martin, and good morning to everyone, wherever you might be. At last, we’re nearly there and the Gabba - or Gabattoir as some call it and, judging by the cacophonous noise out there, it’s damn close to a fortress-like atmosphere - is slowly filling up. Ricky Ponting had no hesitation in choosing to bat and both teams have gone with the tried and tested. The pitch is dry and, although there’s a hint of grass, the cracks are visible and it could turn a country mile come the fourth day.The national anthems are over - Adam Gilchrist was thankfully the only one to do The American Thing and hold his baggy green next to his heart. All very patriotic.10.55am Well, we made it through that. It’s five minutes away and we are all set. Your commentators throughout this match will be Will Luke, Jenny Thompson and Martin Williamson. Here we go … Will Luke, who has been even more excited about this in recent days than my four-year-old on Christmas Eve, to take you through the first spell. Good morning, Will …10.50am Ian Botham and Ian Healy are carrying out the two flags and we are about to have the national anthems. The two teams are coming out as well and the noise inside the Gabba has been upped a few decibels. I bet the opening batsmen are delighted to be standing out in the middle minutes before they have to open the innings.Oh my God. We have an American-style national anthem sung by a Kylie wannabe … the ceremony must have been organised by a republican. The Aussie anthem gets four girls singing it … not much improvement.
10.40am Nasser Hussain is in the middle and giving his pitch report. It’s about 29 degrees and an 8mph wind coming from the north. The surface is dry and there are cracks on it, and the consensus is that the pitch will play well for a couple of days before the cracks open up, and thereafter there will be uneven bounce for the quick men … not to mention what Warne will do. 10.35am Australia have won the toss and will bat A huge cheer goes up from the home crowd but a shocker from Sky TV. Nicholas is interviewing Flintoff and the on-field analysts are yakking over the top of him. Shambles. Our man on the spot gives us the quotes nevertheless … “We’d probably have had a bat, but we’re not too bothered,” says Flintoff, perhaps not as convincing as he would like to be. “The ball doesn’t swing for long, so the first ten overs we’ve got to get it in the right area.” As for Ponting, he is clearly happy to have first crack. The wicket does look particularly good. There’s a bit of moisture on the top of it but there are a few cracks which might open up.” Asked about the decision to play Stuart Clark, he said: “Mitchell Johnson and Shaun Tait have both missed out. The way Stuart bowls in these Brisbane conditions will be handy and if there are some cracks - he’s a straight bowler, so he will find them hopefully.” A reminder of the teams: England 1 Andrew Strauss, 2 Alastair Cook, 3 Ian Bell, 4 Paul Collingwood, 5 Kevin Pietersen, 6 Andrew Flintoff (capt), 7 Geraint Jones (wk), 8 Ashley Giles, 9 Matthew Hoggard, 10 Steve Harmison, 11 James Anderson. Australia 1 Matthew Hayden, 2 Justin Langer, 3 Ricky Ponting (capt), 4 Damien Martyn, 5 Michael Hussey, 6 Michael Clarke, 7 Adam Gilchrist (wk), 8 Shane Warne, 9 Brett Lee, 10 Stuart Clark, 11 Glenn McGrath. 10.30am The captains are walking out to the middle … here we go. Both are wearing blazers and caps, and they are going to be tossing with a special commemorative coin (that will doubtless be on eBay within hours!). All lined up on the wicket, very portentous music playing. And here’s Mark Nicholas … 10.25am The commentators are pontificating about life, the universe and everything. Behind them, the pitch is beginning to clear in preparation for the toss which is in less than five minutes. The stands are filling out nicely and the PA is getting really quite deliriously excited … Wayne writes: “Australia’s selection of Stuart Clark is a good choice but I think Mitchell Johnson would have done a great job and offered something a little more different to Glen McGrath’s clone.” 10.15am England have named their XI and as expected, Ashley Giles has been preferred to Monty Panesar. “It’s safety first from Fletcher, but with some reason,” Andrew Miller tells us. “Remember 2002-03, when Craig White was England’s No. 7. The idea of a tail that long is anathema to the coach. Giles acts as ballast, and should allow England’s top six to play with greater freedom.” Feedback on the decision to play Giles coming in. “Giles starting in place of Panesar? We all knew it was coming. What is going on? Fletcher you haven’t got a clue,” writes Neil. “Even if the long tail is a good point, and I rate Giles, has he really played enough cricket to be prepared for this match?” asks Michael Wells. Sriram Veera, our insomniac in Bangalore, advises us that this is the 100th Test that Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath have played together. 9.55am Andrew Miller, our man at the Gabba, reports as follows: Definite green tinges in the wicket, and Ricky Ponting reckons there’s some moisture lurking beneath the rock-hard surface as well. The team that wins the toss will probably bat first, but as Nasser Hussain demonstrated four years ago, nothing can be taken for granted England team have been in a huddle on the practice strip and are now jogging round before going through their stretches. Ashley Giles has been busy going through his bowling action, which may or may not be a sign of anything 9.30am Good morning and welcome to coverage of the first Test at Brisbane. In 80 minutes the phony war is over and the talking stops. The weather is clear and sunny and there will be a prompt start. Read Andrew Miller’s preview by clicking here and send us your thoughts by clicking here There is no news at the moment on whether England will play Ashley Giles or Monty Panesar but as soon as we hear, we’ll let you know. The local pundits are betting on Giles, however. |
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| 0.1 | Harmison to Langer, 1 wide, and it’s wild and woolly, a massive wide taken by first slip. Welcome back to Australia, Steve |
Knock yourselves out with more if you can bear it.
1 Comment »
Australia v England, Twenty20, Sydney
By Will last year, mid-January, 9 Comments »
It’s the hit-and-giggle of the winter season. I can’t imagine for a second England will win it, even with this new bloke Michael Vaughan in the side. In fact, especially with him in the side. Still, it’s always good for a giggle - even if Ricky Ponting refuses to enjoy it, or see the fun side. It’s a game, Ricky…
I think it starts at 8am tomorrow so, if you’re up and interested, post your thoughts here.
9 Comments »The anguish of Adelaide
By Will last year, mid-January, 9 Comments »
I often enjoy Simon Barnes’s pieces at The Times and he’s produced a really crisp and imaginative recollection of the nightmare of the 2nd Test at Adelaide.
It was cricket as it might have been written by Kafka: a hideous punishment, as unjust as it was incomprehensible, inflicted on people who had earned the right to expect better things from life. It was like playing cricket against the Gestapo: cricket as a form of atrocity in which resistance is useless. It was cricket as torture, in which pain and hatred become distorted into a loving and grateful submission to the torturer.
I shall never forget the streets of Adelaide afterwards, the numb shock of the England supporters. These things don’t happen. We couldn’t have seen that. Brains simply refused to process the information they had received. The England press corps, a more resilient bunch on the whole, were to be found the next day at the airport, each with the thousand-yard stare of the Vietnam vet.
That the torture only lasted an hour was something of a reprieve for us, for England. It was quick - still painful - and violent, and will never be forgotten. Like someone slitting a capillary on their wrist, England bled fatally. Barnes even goes as far to say that “it was the most extraordinary passage of cricket I have seen and one of the most shocking things I have witnessed in any sport”. I’m not sure I can quite agree, but nevertheless it was a period of play which must go down as one of the most captivating (or unwatchable, depending on which side of the fence you sit) in modern times.
9 Comments »Where to now for England?
By Will last year, at the start of January, 6 Comments »
Not really had time to write anything on Australia’s magnificent performance, and England’s complete acquiescence. So I’m opening it up to you, before which I’ll just offer a brief thought which is nagging away at me.
Nasser Hussain and David Lloyd made some fascinating remarks following the loss at Sydney. They noted that Australia have a team bus, and a designated bus driver - usually one of Stuart Clark or Shane Warne. Warne would be seen hauling his bag from the hotel to the bus, fag in mouth and off they’d go to the ground.
England, on the other hand, have a huge, luxury coach in which to travel. The bags are all sorted for them and they’re surrounded by security guards and pamperers. They don’t lift a finger. This alone can’t lose a team the Ashes, but it’s evidence of the effect 2005 had on England; an over-reaction to a series which was far closer than people realised. Then, England pick-pocketed the urn from Australia; in reverse, this time, Australia have stolen it back like a violent bulldozer prising an ATM from a high-street wall.
Your thoughts? Where do England go from here?
6 Comments »Nanny state seeps into cricket grounds
By Will last year, at the start of January, 28 Comments »
And I thought Tony’s Britain was bad. John’s Australia is worse than Tony’s United State of Europe and George’s USA combined and the effects of the 21st century phenomenon, the nanny state, is seeping into cricket grounds at a rate of knots.
Last year the ICC began to ban people bringing in alcohol into grounds. I saw it first hand at The Oval last summer.
The ICC’s problem, so we are told, is the highly dangerous aluminium and glass bottle containers the evil public bring in. In theory, this could cause a disturbance (or, presumably, death). The real reason, I fear, has more to do with driving the public into the bars to spend more money.
Also, beach balls - those venomous, violently coloured plastic balls of carbon dioxide otherwise known as Balls of Doom - are often confiscated by the fun police in Australia, and England. And now the Mexican Wave has been banned. Quite how you enforce this latest one is beyond me, short of super gluing everyone to their seats. But the best example of this disgusting infringement of our freedom comes from Rod, out in Australia at the moment, who tells us:
A friend was told to lift off his sunglasses from one barman yesterday so he could examine his eyes: if they looked drunk he was told to return to his seat.
What’s next? Will bats come under the spotlight? Balls? What about that most venerable of snacks, the pork pie? You’re not even allowed to sneeze at Brisbane: The Telegraph’s Martin Johnson reported in the first Test that one spectator was asked to vacate his seat until his sneezing fit had finished. It is an unbelievable farce that ground authorities have the power to treat the paying public in this manner and, before long, it will backfire.
28 Comments »Nearly a whitewash
By Will last year, at the start of January, 1 Comment »
Australia v England, 5th Test, Sydney, 3rd day
By Will last year, at the start of January, 33 Comments »
The third day from the SCG. We could be in for a spectacular display of fireworks, none of which I will see as I’ll be asleep. In fact, it could even be all over by the time I arise from my slumber.
Chat away!
33 Comments »Never mind the cricketers. Think of us
By Will last year, at the start of January, 8 Comments »
The worst result of England’s dire winter has just hit me: the media response from the non-cricket-specific outlets. We are firmly back to the 1990s and it’s fairly sickening.
In the glory days of 2005 (if you can remember that far back), England’s victory silenced the doubters and the ignoramuses. They didn’t have any basis to slag the sport off; England were winning, and cricket was cool. All change. England are losing and cricket is for losers. Cue the dry-witted script-writers jumping all over England’s three-wheeling bandwagon with predictable, bland, pointless tongue-in-cheek remarks.
“And the third day’s play gets underway at 10.30 tonight - IF YOU CAN STAND IT - on BBC Radio 4 Long Wave,” reads the news reporter, with a smarmy ‘I know what I’m talking about; England can’t play cricket’ look on her face.
“Dark days for English cricket, then. But how’s the weather? Over to Mike Smugplank, hello Mike.”
“Oh hello there, yes, well England’s cricketers may not be enjoying the sun in Sydney and I’m afraid it’s not looking much brighter here either”
Oh how witty and clever - not to mention topical! Please change the record. You are not funny or remotely clever. And England’s so-called national sport, foot****, is still awarded the undeserved privilege of the news reader saying: “If you don’t wish to know the score, look away now”. Oh, come off it.
It’ll spread like a virus. Every comedy show, ever stand-up in London, every unimaginative script writer and bored subeditor on a daily will be trying desperately to fit in a mention to England’s failure as a cricket team. That’s fine, but for God’s sake don’t do it with a smarmy grin on your face!
And here endeth the first rant of 2007.
8 Comments »Australia v England, 5th Test, Sydney, 2nd day
By Will last year, at the start of January, 64 Comments »
A better day for England yesterday. What has day two in store? Andrew Flintoff is not out this morning, which is often a good sign. If anyone’s watching, leave a comment.
64 Comments »Wither, English willow
By Will last year, at the start of January, 2 Comments »
George Patterson, an Australian, has offered his thoughts on the Ashes…as a poem.
Food for thought
The MBE is in oversupply
H.M. is in a dither,
English Willow, once straight and true
Now appears to wither.
The Balmy Army of true Brits
Sit within the sheltered bank,
To each award a feathered chapeau
And a ‘Garter’for each shank.
In melodious voice they chant for ‘Reign’
Then give a lusty cheer,
“God Bless our noble saintly George…
But First.. God Bless the Aussie beer!”
Australia v England, 5th Test, Sydney, 1st day
By Will last year, at the start of January, 2 Comments »
Happy New Year to all. Hope you’ve decided your new year resolutions. And let’s hope England have, too. I don’t think comments are working here at the moment…if they are, do leave one. If not, rock on like the rockers you are.
2 Comments »England v the Mr Men
By Will last year, at the start of January, 2 Comments »
Patrick has uncovered the reason behind England’s winter woes. We’ve been playing the Mr Men!:
Ricky Ponting could be Mr Strong; Shane Warne is Mr Impossible; Justin Langer really should be Mr Bump rather than Mr Respect; Brett Lee is Mr Bounce; Steve Waugh clearly used to be Mr Chatterbox; perhaps Michael Clarke is Mr Tickle-down-to-third-man-for-a-single.
Superb. As was the Mr Men series.
2 Comments »England’s resident Ashes poet
By Will 2 years ago, at the end of December, 3 Comments »
I’ve forgotten all about England’s resident Ashes poet, David Fine, who was despatched by the Arts Council to cover England’s tour. Rod reminds me, and here’s David’s entry from Boxing Day
I saw England collapse again,
Collapse again, collapse again,
I saw England collapse again,
On Boxing Day in Melbourne.Warnie got 5 for 39,
5 for 39, 5 for 39,
Warnie got 5 for 39,
On Boxing Day in Melbourne.
It gets better.
Grump, grump, grump I’m Glen McGrath,
Grump, grump, galumph, galgrumpalumph, I’m Glen McGrath,
I’ll bend your ear from here to the dressing room
And back again, over after over till you edge or miss
The point of my delivery
I’m not sure what to make of it, especially the first one, but I never quite got my head around stanzas and all that malarky. Your thoughts and submissions, please.
Meanwhile, some photos from Devon.
Australia v England, 4th Test, Melbourne, 3rd day
By Will 2 years ago, at the end of December, 11 Comments »
The third day from Melbourne, and possibly the last. It’s all gone horribly Percy Sonn for England. But who knows? Two spectacular double hundreds from Flintoff and Pietersen, 600 runs in a day to give England a lead of 300ish. It could happen…but only if England have a peek at John Buchanan’s bowling plans…
Chat away
11 Comments »England’s leaked bowling plans
By Will 2 years ago, at the end of December, 6 Comments »
UPDATE: thief exposed in video shocker
Aside from England’s noses being ground into the dirt like a pumice stone, the big(ish) news from yesterday was the leaked England bowling plans.
(Via Sydney Morning Herald)
A slight storm in a tea-cup; the plans themselves are hardly revolutionary, and Australia’s batsmen have prospered so far without seeing the plans. It is the theft which will worry and depress England, but it does raise a wonderful who’dunnit. Maybe a particularly pissed off member of the England side let it slip to spite, well, someone. Or not.
