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bob-willis
Proof that Bob Willis has utterly lost the plot
By Will last year, at the start of July, No Comments; be the first!
Further to his extraordinary alter ego, Bobby’s Dazzlers, I’ve further proof that Bob Willis has now utterly lost it. Saj Mahmood just lost his wicket when Brett Lee hammered one in, the ball smacking him on his back then rebounding into his stumps.
And here’s Bob’s version. Get this man his own show immediately.
No Comments »Bobby’s Dazzlers
By Will last year, at the end of May, No Comments; be the first!
Viewers of Sky Sports were this morning treated to a visual vomitorium with the sight of Bob Willis dressed in what can only be described as a camp-pink sequin jacket, fronting an equally mincing segment on Cricket AM called Bobby’s Dazzlers. This, ladies and gentlemen, was a triumph of cheese; a brawling maelstrom of incongruity. It was ludicrous, unlikely and I demand we see more.
Bob – sorry, Bobby – is dressed in a jacket that looks like it’s been covered in syrup, then rolled over and over on a bed of hundreds and thousands, before being dry-cleaned at the Angel Delight factory’s principle pot of gooey, disgusting shame. Bobby then fires a series of questions at a contestant, with all the seriousness of Bob Holness and Bruce “didn’t they do well?” Forsyth but tsunami quantities of eery cheese.
“Hold your gold there, Del Boy,” he winks, as the contestant fired a blank at his first question. “Nobody likes a smarty-pants.”
This is Bob Willis, the Sunderland screamer; the blancmange-haired tearaway with 325 Test wickets; him of demonic eyes in 1981. He’s a Bob Dylan fan of rare addiction; he even added Dylan as one of his middle names.
Bob, or Bobby, has never courted convention. In 2005 he propped up the table in The Wisden Cricketer’s survey of the greatest commentators, polling just 15% of the votes, only just sneaking ahead of Paul Allott. Perhaps wary of his on-air rants, and subtle-as-a-brick referencing to sponsor names (“Welcome to the Jade Stadium” a particular gem I loved), Sky soon had him grazing in the less risky surroundings of their studios. This has not stopped his furious toe-tapping at the ignorance – hell, the sickening insouciance – of players’ and officials’ knowledge of the laws, not least bowling rates per hour.
“Daryl Harper – hopeless, Billy Bowden – a showpony. Steve Bucknor – past his sell-by date,” he spat in 2005. Umpires get the full Bobby treatment, never more so than poor old Daryl Harper during the West Indies series in February. “He’s got to be given his pension book and [taken] out of there. He is hopeless,” Willis cussed. ‘Nuff respect, BW.
The Daily Telegraph’s Jim White tore into him and Charles Colville a few years ago, describing Bob’s “goggle-eyed rants” with comical precision. “It takes an act of significant will not to cower behind the sofa every time Willis – almost as angry as Colville – comes on screen.”
Out of the fire, into the … pink jacket? Who knows where Bobby’s career is now heading, but he’s rapidly cornering a niche in the cricket commentators’ market. Sky have a gem on their hands. Please, please have him sit in with Shane Warne during stints this summer and let us all sit back and enjoy.
If anyone has the video of Bobby’s Dazzlers to share, drop me a line. This needs global publicity
No Comments »Andrew MacDonald? Ronald MacDonald more like (titter)
By Will last year, mid-May, No Comments; be the first!
Guffaws all round today as Bob Willis fired the first, err, jibe at Australia. The Sun ran with it and, being the special people they are, photoshopped Ronald MacDonald’s mug atop Andrew’s body.
God love you, Bob. You’re fast becoming a treasured national institution; as gaffe-prone and eager to stir the shit as Fred Trueman. More! More!
No Comments »Say it again, Bob
By Will last year, mid-February, 1 Comment »
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As England slumped yesterday, Sky’s commentary team sprung into fervent action. Its coverage of events in Jamaica was excellent, led by Ian Ward (Wardy) in the studio, whose questions to Nick Knight (Knighty), Bob Willis (Bob) and Nasser Hussain (Nass) were akin to floaty half-volleys, the like of which England’s batsmen could only dream of as Jerome Taylor continued to york them for fun. Hussain and co responded magnificently.
But first, it was Willis who provided the entertainment when he launched another dreamy attack on Daryl Harper, the third umpire who upheld another controversial decision which was referred by the players. “He’s got to be given his pension book and [taken] out of there,” Willis spat, his lip curled in disgust. “He is hopeless.” Hussain and Mikey Holding were no less disparaging, both lauding the use of technology while questioning the credentials of the person sitting behind the monitor.
By now, Ward was revelling in his role as the anchorman with licence to laugh. Barely able to suppress his giggling at Willis’s growing animosity towards everyone, with perfect timing England began to collapse, providing him with further ammunition to wind up his easily-angered colleagues. Not even the usually polite and cheery Knight could hide his confusion and anger at the dominoes tumbling in Kingston. “These are Test cricketers!” he pleaded to the camera with justifiably perplexed anguish. His excellent analysis of Alastair Cook’s near-total lack of feet movement provided substance to his grumbles, but it wasn’t long before Ian Botham (Sir Ian, or Sreean) turned the tables on him.
Knight knows Ian Bell better, perhaps, than Ian Bell knows himself. And after a brief impression of Tony Blair – palms open, and a call for unity: “hey, guys. Come on. Let’s be sensible” – Knight admitted that Bell’s issues, unlike Cook, are upstairs in the head. Bell’s detractors might not have learned much by that facile analysis, but in one fell swoop, England’s No.3 had lost the backing of his No.1 fan.
Hussain, though, stood out. Rarely is Botham demoted to being a sideshow yet, as Kingston began to reverberate, Hussain didn’t let him get a word in. A torrent of analysis, anger, mild abuse and pent-up frustration frothed from Hussain’s mouth, as a gleeful Ward fed him with questions straight out of the Devil’s Advocate handbook.
Sky – who are not a free-to-air channel – aren’t often applauded, but their coverage of a wonderfully dramatic day in Jamaica was both entertaining and slick.
1 Comment »Willis: Hick and Ramprakash ‘clogging up county cricket’
By Will 3 years ago, mid-September, 4 Comments »
Bob Willis is never short of opinions. Not all of them are conventional or even particularly thought through, but writing in the latest issue of The Wisden Cricketer he has slammed just about everyone. Ageing players such as Graeme Hick, Mark Ramprakash and Dominic Cork are wasting the money the ECB “create” through their revenue streams, thus impacting on the next generation of England stars.
I don’t have much of an issue with these three, or indeed for any ageing former England player – so long as they perform and contribute to the team. Ramprakash continues to be as prolific a batsman as any – Hick less so, but nevertheless is a reassuring face in a brittle Worcestershire line-up. If their frail frames falter, then goodnight – but so long as they’re producing the goods, their experience is invaluable to younger players.
The Kolpak issue is altogether different, and I suppose I’m contradicting myself if I can allow old English players to play rather than old non-England-qualified Greek/Australian players. But there must be some form of regulation (which, admittedly, comes into force next year) for the selection of third-grade Kolpakians. It’s out of control and impeding the progress of young English talent.
Willis is really off on one, which is always enjoyable to read rather than listen to. Cricinfo has a synopsis and we’ll have the piece up either this weekend or next. Offer your thoughts below.
4 Comments »An odd couple: Colville and Willis
By Will 4 years ago, at the end of November, 3 Comments »
There’s a scathing attack by Jim White in today’s Telegraph on Sky’s coverage of the first Test. It’s done with humour though, and had me in stitches – especially this on Charles Colville and Bob Willis:
While Bhasin is all eager and enthusiastic, bouncing round Boycott in puppyish thrill at being there, Colville has taken it upon himself to become the Mr Angry of the Ashes, fuming about England’s selection decisions, poor bowling and limp fielding.
Anything and everything is capable of sending him into a tailspin of rage. After the first Test ended in ignominious defeat on Monday, he became so incensed he had to be restrained by his guest, Nick Knight.
“Whoa Charles,” Knight said, wearing the startled look of a man who had stumbled into a recording of the new series on Bravo, When Normally Mild Mannered Cricket Chaps Attack. In fact, it was lucky Knight was there to tip a verbal bucket of water over the steaming presenter. Had Colville’s guest been – as it sometimes has – Bob Willis, the blood pressure in the studio would have turned thermo-nuclear.
It takes an act of significant will not to cower behind the sofa every time Willis – almost as angry as Colville – comes on screen. Especially now he has taken to delivering his goggle-eyed rants direct into the camera.
All he needs is to borrow Boycott’s headgear and he will morph seamlessly into the John McCririck of cricket.
There is an obvious solution for Duncan Fletcher as he searches for the speediest way back into the series: put Colville and Willis out there in Adelaide and even the battled-hardened Aussies would take flight at the very sight of them.
Chuck’s great value – I’d rather him, with his passion and anger, than a bland, shiny toe-the-line presenter. More at the Telegraph.
3 Comments »Video of Hoggard’s 7 for 61 against South Africa
By Will 4 years ago, at the start of October, No Comments; be the first!
A really great video of Matthew Hoggard’s 7 for 61 against South Africa, January 2005. The only blemish to an otherwise enthralling few minutes of video is the diabolical commentary from Bob Willis. He “described” (reacted to) the first five wickets, so you can turn the sound up on the sixth.
This was one of the first bloggage things I blogged about; the victory in South Africa was quite something to watch. Click here if you can’t see it below.
No Comments »Asking the right questions is half the battle.
By Scott 4 years ago, mid-April, 6 Comments »
So The Guardian ask David Lloyd and Bob Willis if England take the limited-overs game seriously enough. Lloyd says yes, and Willis says no.
But the real question is, do the fans take the game seriously enough? And should we take it seriously at all, given the way that cricket administrators fiddle around with it.
Played properly, on a true surface that helps strokeplay but also has some life and bounce and a teensy bit of sideways movement for the bowlers, limited overs cricket can be as skillful and as demanding and entertaining as you could wish for. It is up to administrators and ground authorities to produce those conditions for the players. I think that world-wide, cricket fans have been let down by the people in charge of the game, and it is high time some serious questions were asked about the direction of the limited overs game.
6 Comments »Shane Warne joins Neighbours
By Will 4 years ago, at the start of March, No Comments; be the first!
Shane Warne makes his debut in Neighbours tomorrow. Yep. Nothing more to add. Although it does beg the question: which cricketers, past and present, would have appeared in which soap or TV programme and why?
- Bob Willis – Dr Who (without the genius)
- John Emburey – Arthur Daley (Minder – but a more explicit, “Fackin’ ell Terry, get wiv it you nonce” version)
- Graeme Fowler – Pike from Dad’s Army
Quote of the day – Bob Willis
By Will 5 years ago, at the start of August, 5 Comments »
Bob Willis usually comes up with some gems, none better than this:
“Shane Warne’s the next patient for Doctor Flintoff”
I’ll leave you to make your minds up…
5 Comments »