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Where’s the charm?
By Will 7 months ago, 3 Comments »
A fine and balanced piece by John Benaud in today’s Independent on Sunday. So good, in fact, that I’m pasting it below.
3 Comments »Cricket is always having crises. Books are written and entitled, inevitably, ‘Cricket At The Crossroads’. You’ll recall Bodyline, the World Series Cricket breakaway… and in between the occasional tuppenny bunger, like pathetic over-rates, chucking and so on. Generally, there’s a good guy and a bad guy, and in the above real-deal controversies Douglas Jardine and Kerry Packer were nasties.
The India captain Anil Kumble’s self-indulgent hijacking of “good guy” Australia captain Bill Woodfull’s line “only one team is playing cricket”, uttered during the 1932-33 Bodyline series, was immediately spotted by us cynics with “ocker” accents as code for: “My team have just lost a Test nobody thought they could and I’d like you all to bag nasty Australia and their captain instead of me, in case back home they think we’re the bad guys and torch our houses.”
Ponting is tactically dull, abrasive, prone to snap and a sometimes ungracious winner, but of more urgent concern than any character study of him is the bunch of no-hopers who wander/administer aimlessly under the abbreviatedanonymity of “The ICC”.
One can only guess how embarrassing it must be to have anyone know you are officially part of the International Cricket Council and your claim to fame is the absolute shambles that passes for world cricket in 2008. Put the chief executive, Malcolm Speed, and his team in the dock and even Rumpole’s most junior solicitor could win, his case rested on the evidence of the World Cup last year.
Laws have been changed to accommodate bowlers who throw; the Darrell Hair case remains impossible to fathom, at least for those of us who played and understood the spirit of the game before the ICC lawyers measured out their runs; the crooks of Zimbabwe are rewarded with ongoing recognition; and now a talented umpire who has a bad game can be sent home.
There was a time when the greatest insult to an Australian cricketer was to mention the phrase “no sheep in the top paddock”. After the SCG Test the words “monkey” and “bastard” are apparently offensive. Speed and Co have a new challenge: compile a dictionary of words that are offensive to the modern cricketer, or his culture.
Before they make bigger asses of themselves they should recall the Collis King incident, Mount Smart Stadium, New Zealand, 1978. King, a most talented West Indian all-rounder then playing in World Series Cricket, took a terrible blow to the right groin and collapsed. The physio applied the magic “freeze” spray, but to no avail, and the stretcher arrived. This roused King, who looked down at his “magic-sprayed” groin, sat up abruptly and announced: “Jesus, I’m turning white; quick, spray me all over!”
Past players think modern cricket has no sense of humour, subtlety, finesse and characters, and little goodwill; that it lacks a certain class, charm even. Here’s proof: in 1961, Australia’s Richie Benaud and West Indies’ Frank Worrell agreed pre-series to “have some fun”.
In 2008, when Ponting and Kumble met before the start of the series, it was to discuss how best to defuse an evolving problem: fielders claiming catches that bounce. Cheating.
The ICC, with a little pressure from the odd cricket board, will surely find a way to legalise that in no time.
‘Jam this big bastard’
By Will last year, mid-December, 3 Comments »
Great piece from Peter English on Andrew Symonds and Adam Gilchrist’s use of the mic:
3 Comments »The same players who were frightened by the thought of allowing some of their language to be broadcast in Tests, particularly in South Africa and Bangladesh, where the effects microphones are usually more sensitive to fielding chatter, allowed an insight into their real lives. To see the men, who commentated a couple of overs without much intervention from their former team-mates in the Nine box, operate so candidly in a game they were treating fairly seriously was a shock. They displayed their personalities with thoughtful and revealing remarks alongside jokey-blokey jibes in a way that most athletes don’t - or won’t - during the short times granted for cliché-filled press conferences.
Lucky? Don’t be such a bastard
By Will last year, at the end of July, 12 Comments »
I am apparently, among other things, a bastard. I dared to suggest on Cricinfo’s commentary today that India had enjoyed a slice or nine of good fortune. Edges flying past fielders, or falling short; edges sneaking past stumps; balls passing the bat countless times. Yet the feedback we received from our loyal India fan-base suggested I was watching a different game entirely. “You bastard,” fumed one of them. “How dare you suggest luck has anything to do with it. India deserve their position.”
I don’t deny any team deserves their position - England are on the back foot, and rightly so - but the criticism was a little unfair to say the least, especially when the evidence was so damning. If a team enjoys their share of luck and then capitalises upon it, they fully deserve to have their noses in front, as India currently do.
But why is luck treated as such a dirty word? Judging by some of the emails, my use of “luck” implied India had had an easy ride; that they were relying on luck alone to drive them forward. This is simply not true and not what I meant in the slightest, but the India fan is a passionate beast and not to be argued with. Not often, anyway. India got lucky today, but England might enjoy all the luck tomorrow (and they probably will if it continues to tear down with rain, as it currently is).
But it did get me thinking about how much luck plays its part in sport, and of course it features heavily in cricket. The toss, the weather, the players themselves - how will they perform? Will they be fit and last five days? If a bowler gets a fingertip on a fiercely struck drive, and richochets it onto the non-strikers’ stumps, is that luck? Anyway, enough rhetoric from the bastard.
Sambit Bal, our esteemed editor, has written of similar musings so go and read it immediately.
12 Comments »Don’t you hate it when…
By Will 2 years ago, at the end of June, 1 Comment »
…the referee at Wimbledon says “For respect to the players, please ensure mobile phones are switched off” and everyone claps, cheers and whistles? They’re all guilty, you see.
I have a cold, and am going to start ranting like a bastard.
1 Comment »Run! Run you bastard, run!
By Will 2 years ago, at the start of April, 3 Comments »
I haven’t played for years, but I remember screaming this, aged 16 or so, at the bastard non-striker who ran me out, Rich v Hall house match. I took a hat-trick - one of two that season! - but was peeved at getting run out.
Anyway, Shiv Chanderpaul re-enacts this perfectly in this video of the recent West Indies series against New Zealand.
3 Comments »An exercise in psychological warfare
By Will 3 years ago, mid-May, No Comments; be the first!
Nothing to say - just read it. You’ve got to admire his chatter - on top form, even for The Bastard
No Comments »Tony Blair destroys cricket pitch
By Will 3 years ago, mid-April, 6 Comments »
One more reason to VOTE OUT THE GRINNING TWIT: he’s ruined a Milton Keynes cricket pitch. Bastard. Bet he’s never even been to a game. At least John Major was a fan, and has recently been voted in to the MCC committee.
DON’T BE APATHETIC: IF YOU DON’T VOTE, YOU CAN’T COMPLAIN!!!
6 Comments »