Quotehanger

  • "There used to be a bloke who gave himself out by walking when he'd hit the ball. The popularity of that within his team-mates may be shown by the fact that since his retirement, they no longer reply to any emails, phone calls or text messages."
    Adam Gilchrist gives a tongue-in-cheek response to his own philosophy of 'walking'

    Oct 12, 2008

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    Articles tagged as: Armando Iannucci

    The bloated Boris

    By Will 6 months ago, Comments

    More daft, brilliant stupidity from Armando Iannucci.

    Saturday

    I go for a walk and find I’m travelling a lot quicker than if I went by plane. It dawns on me. My fears have all come true: the physical world is reducing. Buildings are leaning over and coming towards me. Pavements are curling up over my head. The luggage was the start. But now with a fat adulterous hero like Boris Johnson to look up to, people all around me are deliberately putting on weight and rushing out to have sex outside marriage. The sudden coming together of a super-dense mayoral candidate, a massive luggage mountain and lots of fat people hooking up in bed means that London is now the heaviest city in the world. Nothing can stop its incredible gravitational pull sucking the rest of the planet towards it.

    Sunday

    I stay in bed as the entire universe collapses and disappears into a black hole that used to be Boris Johnson. I die happy that he has been foiled in his attempt to become mayor, and I regard the annihilation of the universe as, in the end, a victory for common sense.

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    Barack Obama: the couscous candidate

    By Will 9 months ago, Comments

    As may or may not be apparent, I’m a big fan of political satire, and indeed comedy as a whole. Most writers think they possess acerbic wit and the ability to satirise our lives and politicians, but few cut the mustard. One of the very best, in this country and most others, is Armando Iannucci who has written, produced, directed and featured in some of Britain’s best comedies in the past 20 years. Anything he writes is must-read, and here is his take on Barack Obama:

    But, rhythmically, it’s quite alluring. It can make anything, even, for example, a simple chair, seem magnificent. Why vote for someone who says: ‘See that chair. You can sit on it’ when you can have someone like Obama say: ‘This chair can take your weight. This chair can hold your buttocks, 15 inches in the air. This chair, this wooden chair, can support the ass of the white man or the crack of the black man, take the downward pressure of a Jewish girl’s behind or the butt of a Buddhist adolescent, it can provide comfort for Muslim buns or Mormon backsides, the withered rump of an unemployed man in Nevada struggling to get his kids through high school and needful of a place to sit and think, the plump can of a single mum in Florida desperately struggling to make ends meet but who can no longer face standing, this chair, made from wood felled from the tallest redwood in Chicago, this chair, if only we believed in it, could sustain America’s huddled arse.’

    Superb. Read it here.

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