If – oh, if – there was more than one Mark Nicholas in the world, their collective noun might well be a celebration of Mark Nicholas. Or Mark Nicholi as the plural. The Corridor has long been a fan of Mark – known, to a man, more fondly as Nicho – for years and years. His staggering use of vocabulary at even the most inane moment in a match has brought tears of incredulity and joy to our ears.
He is very much the marmite commentator: you either love or loath him. But to those who dislike the drama he brings, I say wowzers and jee whizz and hello! and he is a strong boy – phrases that no Richie Benaud (pah), Ian Chappell (scoff) or Tony Greig (err, actually…) could ever dream of uttering.
One Nicho highlight came shortly before Matthew Hayden retired, when he pulled A.Bowler for runs through midwicket. I’m paraphrasing here, just so you can get an idea of how beautiful the commentary was, but it was along the following lines: “Math-ew-Hay-Den……one of the greatest pull-shots in cricket history. Given the man; given the match; given the situation…” Hayden, in the middle of a career-ending trough, fell soon after.
History – or more accurately, my memory – doesn’t record the exact wordage, but it has prompted me to invite the loyal Corridor readers to offer your own favourite Nicho moments. (note, this is not an epitaph. Ed.)
There was one today which really stood out. Ricky Ponting had boshed four through midwicket. “Ricky PONting! You are so strong!.” Commentary bronze from Nicho. One of his landmark phrases – indeed, there were thousands – came during the 2005 Ashes. Andrew Flintoff was going bonkers at Edgbaston, with the bat, lifting everyone for sixes. “Hello … hello hello? Mmmassive. Massive!”
Another of my favourites came either during the Ashes, or the preceding couple of years, when he almost lost his sheen of professionalism – again watching Flintoff. “This is…this is amazing. This is brilliant. This is sporting drama of the highest calibre; it’s theatre…theatre that everyone can connect with.” I hasten to add that for all his excitement and occasional OTTisms, he is mostly spot on. And as a presenter, he’s peerless.
So, fellow Nicho lovers – nominate your favourite Nicho Moments and you could win the respect of literally a dozen people (13, including Mark).
I can’t think of any specific examples, but I always enjoy his little interludes on the Channel 5 highlights package in the UK for home series. He’s clearly had time to prepare something, and comes up with the most poetic, vocabulary-lain passages of dialogue Channel 5 will ever broadcast. Which admittedly doesn’t say masses, but it is always a joy as I personally feel he provides the non-Sky viewer with a feel of the atmosphere and ambience of the game in question which can get lost in an hour’s summary of 6 hours’ play.
I know many who dislike him but I’m one for a bit of character and creativity in my cricket commentary, and always appreciate a ‘trier’, and for one hope to hear him on TMS for an extended period at some point in his broadcast career.
His drivel drives me nuts … are you sure it can’t be an epitaph?
Why are the radio commentators so much more eloquent, entertaining and erudite? (Kerry O’Keefe not included) Give me Hasha Bogle or Tony Cozier any day.
“wowzers and jee whizz and hello! and he is a strong boy ,
Ricky PONting! You are so strong!.” &”Massive”.
When you’re a teenager & learning about the birds & the bees watching porn for the first few times these are phrases that you hear from the actress or if you like female actor after some minutes.& Again.Again.Over & Over Again.Thats when I quit porn.Seems like Nicholas Uncle needs to as well.
Bumble is entertaining,so’s Boycott & Sidhu(sample-If you’re running with the big dogs you can’t pee like a puppy).Akram(even though he says gonnnay & avaantually 2wice every 10 seconds),Shastri,Bishop & Botham are all good.
Graham Gooch is an unbiased man tried his hand in the T-20 WC & India’s England Tour.I fell off my chair when he kept calling Robin Utthappa ‘Uppattha” & Dinesh Kaarthick ‘Denik Kaartis’.
& How hilarious is Shastri in his deep vibretto-laced voice going”He’s a skiddy customer”,”If he hits it,it stays hit”,”You can be rest assured” instead of you can,rest assured & “India are COCK-A-HOOP”.
Why don’t you have a poll-
Who’s the most irritating commentator in world cricket??
A.Laxman Siva Rama Krishnan
B.Rameez Raja
C.Tony Greig
D.Michael Slater
E.Harsha Bhogle or is it Bhol-Gay?
F.Ranjit Fernando
G.Michael Atherton
My dislike is equally distributed among them.
It has to be that England v Sri Lanka Test which was heading for a draw when the King of Spain suddenly got two in two balls and England needed 40-odd in six overs (or something like that). Of course Murali came on PDQ and Tresco slog-swept him for six – Nicholas said “nailed him!” – and nothing else. In the best Benaud tradition…
Agree totally Richard. Healy makes me cringe whenever he gets a microphone between those twisted fingers of his. And I am a fan of Ian Healy the cricketer, he should have just left it at that. Also Mark Taylors truncated comments give me the shits too.
Healy always also sticks up for his state; parochialism at its best.
For Nicholisms – try (ha, that sounds like Nicholisms is some kind of disease… If you’ve got Nicholisms, take new! improved! etc…Anyway):
“Gaut-am Gamb-hir! Your arms are so, so strong!” (What was Criclover saying about porn…?)
“A bea-ut-i-ful-ly guided stroke!” – On Tendulkar getting his record… ’twas actually a thick edge to third man, but what’s an unintentionally rubbish shot between mates?
The other thing he does is really go OTT when pronouncing the names of places… Mo-haaar-li etc
And another thing is…He always uses the same praise for everyone, always along the lines of… “He really is an intelligent bowler, by mixing it up with his fast balls and his CATTERS (ordinary people would say cutters, and not in capital letters, either). He really has developed his game.”
Haven’t really noticed Slats, so he can’t be that offensive and other mates of mine thinks he’s excellent; I think Mark Taylor is pretty good and BJ is excellent, too.
I wouldn’t mind his overly gushing commentry so much if he would just desist from his irritating habbit of saying emm-pee-haych instead of miles-per-hour.
whilst on commentators I really enjoyed the Aus SA tests since all the commentary was Aussie and they were so one sided in handing out the praise, and so slow to criticise their Aussie players.
English commentators go the other way and criticise their own too much.
The best nicho-ism was during the 2005 ashes, I think it was in relation to Andrew Strauss as he creamed a boundary to extra cover, the applause was drowned out by nicho putting on his best lady talking smoothy accent and saying “Ooohhhhhhh Annndddrrewww, thats a lovverrley shot”
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If – oh, if – there was more than one Mark Nicholas in the world, their collective noun might well be a celebration of Mark Nicholas. Or Mark Nicholi as the plural. The Corridor has long been a fan of Mark – known, to a man, more fondly as Nicho – for years and years. His staggering use of vocabulary at even the most inane moment in a match has brought tears of incredulity and joy to our ears.