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By Will 2 years ago, mid-December Leave a comment on this post
The fourth day from Perth, and quite possibly the last. If you can stand it, get a chattin’.
Tags: ashes, australia, england-in-australia, perth, the-ashes |
Get a chattin’? Get a life, more like it. I should be at a Christmas party munching mince pies and swigging wine, flirting with a gorgeous hunk, but oh no, I’m here alone, waiting to see England die and kiss the Ashes goodbye like a true-blue Brit. Moan, groan.
Wrong preparation, wrong captain, wrong selections. Lord, the Aussies deserved better than this from us. Hubris, England, hubris. Learn from this for 2009.
Well I’d like to start by paying tribute to Ashley Giles — a loyal and steadfast servant of English cricket; a sensitive, intelligent man who worked his heart out to come back from injury, and who has borne the avalanche of insults and mockery that have come his way in this series with more grace and dignity than most of us would be capable of.
I saw him cheering on Monty’s wickets on the first day of the third Test, and I thought: this man is a grown-up. Sport needs more of them.
I remember his gutsy contribution to the 2005 Ashes, his 10 wickets and particularly his contributions with the bat at moments of unbearable tension, to win the Trent Bridge Test with Hoggard; and to keep his end up and support Pietersen at the Oval. I remember his wonderful running catch in the outfield to end the Aussies’ first innings at the Oval (and I hope he remembers that one too, not just the one off Ponting’s bat that he dropped).
And I remember, when Giles was out for a career-best 57 at the Oval and went off to a standing ovation, none less than Richie Benaud pronounced: “Ashley Giles, you are some cricketer!” Amen to that.
I wish him all the best, and his wife a speedy recovery from the brain tumour she has been diagnosed with. I hear some of team were pretty upset on learning the news the night before day 3 but vowed to go out and play their best for him. Well, their best wasn’t good enough, but that’s how life goes sometimes, no matter how hard you try. And I think Giles is someone who knows that.
Here, here, Kathy, well said!
Morning Wraye, evening Kathy, where’s Jess these days? We girls have got to stick together . . .
Here, here about Gilo, Kathy. Does this seem like one thing after another for the 2005 team? Well I hope everything goes well for them.
So far, so good. Pitch looks OK still, and they are playing some shots. I’m just fearfully aware that we have said this before. As long as they do themselves proud this time, I will be happy. They must have been absolutely buggered after yesterday in the field. It is pretty sticky here, and my husband gleefully informs me that there are thunderstorms forecast for today! He knows damn well that it never rains for more than 20 minutes at a time here in Perth!!
The most important question of the day: where is dear Elliot these days? Has he become subsumed by schoolies’ week and beyond? If you’re out there Elliot, hope you’re still looking forward to Melbourne, and enjoying the end of school.
Maybe the male fans have all given up…
Woohoo! Ian Bell just hit a big six!
And my kids told me to stop shouting.
And then I thought: Be careful!
Sorry about this, a lone male voice interupting.
Cook has learnt something interesting. By taking out the loose drive through cover point (which has caused his last three outs in the slips cordon) from his shot repertoire he looks far more compact and astute as a player.
I’m praying for a draw or an English win. A live test match at Melbourne to witness would be infinately more interesting:
Second Session and England are still batting and only one wicket down.
Amazing!
I know! The Punter’s looking worried… maybe I declared too soon, he’s thinking…
Where the hell is everyone? This is a fightback!
I’m here! Where is everybody. Probably done a runner and gone to the Grauniad OBO. Turncoats.
Pietersen is giving some scares now. DON’T DO IT,KP!
KP can’t help himself!
I’m scared to say anything in case it jinxes someone.
Cook, c’mon, Cook!
Oh thank God, or the deities of your choice, Cook gets there. I was so afraid that TMS had jinxed him! Resistance is strong, oh joy!
The hope is getting to me, Wraye. If another wicket falls, I’m going to bed!
How much longer till Cook gets a break and can come back fighting another day?!
Morning everyone - overslept. Hugely. Amazed it’s still going. Now I’m worried my getting up and watching will cause wicket (like not the new ball).
Pleased for Cook, shame for Bell or the Sherminator or whatever they call him.
Hold fast, my darlings and believe! Another hour to go! Is my radio receiving Sunday interference or are the good folk actually singing hymns at the WACA?
Sean, we need all the help we can get. Go back to bed. Please. 
Normally I’d be more than happy to oblige, Wraye but I can’t drag myself away.
I see Hoggy’s padding up.
By the way agree with what everyone said about GiLo. Ever the professional and hope his wife recovers soon.
Oh balls. What a ball from McGrath.
Yup here’s the Hogster - just a couple of overs, Hoggy.
Oh Sean!
Poor Cook. He’d been there all day. Now poor poor Hoggy. I was just going to say, they are talking about the light on the TV coverage. If Aust doesn’t win this because they lose too much time to rain / bad light tonight and tomorrow, it will serve the commercial networks right for mucking around with the time because of the daylight saving.
Andas i write, Hoggy goes back . . .
Oh crap - I’m going back to bed 
Cook goes. Night, night, Kathy?
Too right, Sean, GiLo was a stalwart, real gent and we all hope his wife recovers soon. A brain tumour is absolutely no joke.
F**** Hoggy bowled. It all looks so different now, Sean for F**** sake go back to bed!!!!!!!!!
They’ve got the WACA lights on now. Can we come off please? Didn’t Cook do well? It’s really bitchy out there - a few comments flying around . . .
Phew! At least we pushed it into another day. A moral victory and I’m really proud of the guys to come out after a very long day yesterday, on top of the news about Gilo’s wife. I don’t suppose it will last as long tomorrow, but I’m happy!
Night all . . .
Like what? Caroline, do tell please. We are putting up a fight at last, what we all wanted from the start.
Plus, at last we have a KP + Freddy partnership which might mean something.
There’s the last ball. Ah sweet relief!
I remember the days when Thorpe and Nasser struck brilliant bastard partnerships. Don’t throw it away, my boys.
“Kathy said …
I know! The Punter’s looking worried… maybe I declared too soon, he’s thinking…”
Actually, on the news tonight, Gilly said in an interview that he and Pup misinterpreted Punter’s signal. To paraphrase: “We thought he was saying come off, but he was saying that we had to stay on.” That being the case, it may not be Ponting’s fault, but it was a shocking breakdown in communications.
I’d have stayed on until drinks of the first session today, merely to utterly humiliate the Poms. By then, we’d have had a lead of about 650-700 if Gilly had stayed for much longer. As it happens, with the two late wickets today, I reckon you’re still gone. Flintoff and Jaapie can’t stay in forever (well, maybe, but it would be an extraordinary effort to stay in and score fast enough, especially in the prevailing conditions), and Jones is a clown. They may well fight it out, but I doubt it.
Full credit to Cook though - I reckon he’s looked the goods throughout the summer. His earlier mistakes were merely the result of inexperience, I’d say, and he’s now starting to settle. Most of the rest of your side deserve to have their arses kicked.
And here’s the team for the next Test:-
“Freddie” - lovely lad, has a reputation that’s not seen much over here. Seems to have trouble setting field that’s not two overs behind the game. Has problems setting a field to English strike bowlers - everybody does
don’t they? Been set up as the fall guy for losing The Ashes as Michael Vaughan is a gentleman,Freddie is just a nice lad (read “mug”) from Lancashire.
Strauss - “Seth Effrican” - always dodgy. Flails the bat around off stump a lot. Never really intends to hit the ball, just frighten it a bit. Umpires hate him,,,,,,,,even “Seth Effrikaan” umpires it seems. Maybe he has no friends at all? Loves the new ball so much he leaves ‘em that way - new!
Cook - after todays effort (Sunday over here) I like the lad. He’s shown that he has the stamina to do it, but has he got the strokes. Time will tell.
Bell - Ding, Dong, what can I say? Warney has him completely baffled. Looks like he has brain damage when facing leg spinners. Can’t believe a cricket
ball can actually move THAT FAR!
Collingwood - they named a Royal Navy battleship, “Collingwood”. It could
have been named after this guy. A gritty, determined batsmen that is not overly endowed with striking talent but he’s a tryer. Would bat at number 10
if he were in the Australian line up he impresses me that much.
Pietersen - well here he is eh!! The Wunderkinden, the Great White Hope, The
Ubertonkenmeister - another “Seth Effricaan”. My opinion ? CRAP. And I’m
not taking the piss either. This guy is that far up himself his digestive system is a loop. KP is only interested in KP. The future of English Cricket
means nothing to KP. He hasn’t got a clue how to measure a game for 5 days. He’s McDonalds, he’s popcorn, he’s instant gratification for people that
don’t realllyyy understand cricket, But he can hit a ball hard and that’s what gets bums on seats these days. When he hooks he looks like he’s about to dislocate both arms or he’s having a fit of some kind. We haven’t seen
him do two consecutive cover drives or two drives of any kind within two overs. Let the side down badly when he attempted to shepherd the tail enders in the 1st innings. Looked all at sea when asked to think. A “chancer” with a good set of eyes is the best I can say.
“Freddie” - hasn’t been a hit with the bat or ball - see above as a Captain.
Shame really as I like him as a bloke. He would make a good Australian.
Jones - Wicket keeper? I think he is anyway. Batsman? Dunno. Haven’t seen him bat yet! He’s on the pitch all padded up one minute and gone the next? Apparently there’s DNA tests being done over here - Duncan Fletcher and Geraint Jones - to see if they are in fact blood related. If these tests come back positive then Duncan Fletcher is to be arrested for incest. Personally I wouldn’t bother with the DNA test - the results aren’t in
doubt.
Giles - is not an ECB salaried player. Came to “Oz” on a freelance contract, so I’ve read. Closely related to Duncan Fletcher who arranged for Ashley to
visit relatives over here as long as Ashley promised to roll his arm over for the lads. Ashley fulfilled his end of the bargain, we saw it with our own eyes, on TV, live.
Hoggard - now this lad I really like. An honest to God workhorse that can actually bowl. Love the guy. Has been offered an Australian Passport, his own Australian goldmine, a cattle station, his choice of any 6 women on Cottesloe beach, free beer for life, university places for his kids and a dishwasher for his missus. Hoggy - yer fantastic!
Harmison - Came to “Oz” as England’s strike bowler. Since being in “Oz, has seen an optician and these rumours have since been dispelled. He’s legally blind and now runs in with a guide dog. Geraint Jones then shouts “Here!!”
just as Harmy passes the wicket and he lets the ball go where he thinks Jonesy’s voice is coming from. Should go far- as long as he doesn’t lose the dog when he lets the lead go. Freddie Flintoff has had trouble setting a
field for the dog.
Mahmooud - unknown quantity. Rumoured to cook a good vindaloo. Cooks for the Barmy Army every night as it’s costing ‘em a fortune phoning Bristol for
takeaway.
Finally, the little boy that nobody loved, the lad caught in the storm - Monty!! Lets hear a good Australian ROAR for Monty. He can bowl, he can bat,he can field ( a bit). We Aussies will take him any day. He’s a cricket enthusiast, he’s keen, he wants to be on the field, he wants to be on the team, he wants to take wickets and Ashley Giles is taking lessons from him. We
love him. It’s just a pity that Duncan Fletcher doesn’t. Top stuff Monty.
Have another beaut day at the cricket ladies,
Bilbo
*sigh* agreed
Wraye, I chickened out half an hour before stumps and went to bed, scared of more wickets falling. And I see they did.
And Caroline, tell us, what bitchiness has been going down? You mean out on the pitch? There was certainly a lot of melodramatic appealing.
All I can say is, drag it out as long as possible today — make ‘em wait. The closer they get, the more heartbreaking it will be.
I couldn’t do the lip reading out there, but after there was an appeal off Warne for lbw and a catch (he appeared to be appealing for anything and everything!) Pieterson suddenly turned around as if responding to a comment from slip or gully area, and gave them an almighty long stare. Another time he gave a gesture with his head as if to say, “what was that you said?”. But I know no more . . .
Except to say that it has been drizzling (light rain) here this morning (5th day), and looks overcast. There are a few thundery showers forecast, clearing by afternoon. Keep your fingers crossed!
Keep doing your rain dance, Caroline. 
The typical Pom strategy - pray to be saved by rain. What a mob of cowards.
I don’t think anything else can save england but I’m offended that you choose to link it with cowardice.
What else can it be? If you’re good enough, you can still - possibly - win it. If not, go down fighting, not hiding back in the dressing room.
13thMan
Remember, your lot were saved by the rain at Old Trafford last year — otherwise you would have gone down 3-1.
Oh, come on - this year’s efforts by the Poms only serves to reinforce my opinion that last year was an aberration. 2-1-2 draws. At Edgbaston, you won by 2 miserable runs after a key injury (with no time to cover it - you’ve known about Jones and Mr-Overrated Vaughan for ages). Bar the Fifth Test, each of the 2-4 were line ball, yet you should have absolutely pummeled Australia - but failed to do so. You deserve credit for a rare series win, but it was hardly a whitewash - and Australians don’t pray for rain. The Australian style is to attack at all costs, which is why we’ve changed the way test cricket is played around the world. Sometimes it backfires, sometimes we lose - but at least we fight. The Poms are spineless. Cowardice and indecision cost them Adelaide, and will probably cost them Perth. They deserve to be humiliated - the best bit is, they’re pretty much doing it to themselves.
It must be tough being you Kathy - your own team are shit, and the Poms are little better. How do you drag yourself out of bed of a morning? I hope you’re not a betting woman - it seems you struggle to back a winner.
It’s a good place to be in life if you’re sufficiently comfortable and accepting of your self; enough so to say that if England win because it rains all day, I will be very happy. Call it cowardice, call it what you will - it will not lessen my joy one iota!
Have to report thought, that the sun has come out now. There are still dark clouds to the northwest, where the weather is coming from, but often they just pass straight over and rain on the hills or beyond . . . anyone know any good rain dances?
Did I say “win”? I meant survive . . . getting carried away in my excitement at having to vaccuum the house . . .
13th man — you’re not worth replying to.
I’m sure they’ll do just that (go down fighting). I was just objecting to the implication that all poms are cowards; let’s just say it pushed my buttons. It would be like me implying all aussies are intellectually stunted bigots which, of course, they aren’t.
For the record I think Flintoff will last about four overs before getting caught in the cordon, Jones will go in the same over and it will all be over by lunch.
Of course, if Flintoff does get a start, we could be in for an entertaining, if ultimately futile, few hours. And at the rate these two do score at, What would be best for the series (in my opinion) is a draw because it would at least give 95,000 people at Melbourne a live rubber to watch.
Pity there are some of any group that let the side down. QED, 13thMan.
Kathy, my ol’ mate, the sun has gone in again . . . and I hope NZ pummel the Aussies in the one-dayers.
Sean: Rest assured, I was referring to the English cricket team. English history would fairly safely indicate that England is not a nation of cowards.
Kathy: So - can’t think of anything, eh? It’s a rare day when you finally shut up. Well done, me.
Ta ta.
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