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I’m an umpire, get me out of here. What next for Darrell?

By Will 2 years ago, at the end of August Leave a comment on this post

Inzy you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are tampering
Ill be here til the media stop hampering
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?

My rubbish attempt at some lyrics there, courtesy of The Clash. So, if Darrell Hair does resign (and even if he doesn’t, frankly), what are his future career prospects? Nothing too rude please ladies and gents, and ideally not libellous either, but anything funny is good. Funny’s always good.

Maybe he’ll do a Tufnell and frolic in the jungle. Or a Darren Gou….er, maybe not. Strictly Come Darrell (but only if you pay me $500,000) doesn’t quite have the same ring. Personally, I think he’s ideally situated to copy Graham Gooch and Shane Warne…a marketer’s dream.

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4 Responses to “I’m an umpire, get me out of here. What next for Darrell?”

  • whyisitso wrote:
    August 28th, 2006 at 6.18 am

    Will there are some things in life that lend themselves to humour. This isn’t one of them.

  • alistaire wrote:
    August 28th, 2006 at 11.04 pm

    Here we go again. Around the World. Let’s continue the Musical Interlude:

    Walk into any corridor, any morning, any evening, any day.
    Maybe you’ll find direction around some corner where it’s been waiting to hit you for six.
    What do you want me for son, I’m only the night watchman and you’ve nearly got a ton; a box of balls will ease the pain and luck will see you through.
    Well it’s just a box of balls, I don’t know who put them there, take one if you need one, or leave one if you dare.
    It’s just a box of balls or a ribbon for your Hair,
    Such a long, long time to be gone and a short time to be there.

    Just a Perfect Day, I’m glad I spent it with you.
    We both got double tons, left Lords to feed animals at the zoo.
    Then home; and an Ashes DVD too.

    It’s a wild time, I’m doing things that haven’t even got a name yet.
    Like legal tampering, tampering, like legal ball tampering.
    I want to be with you no matter what I do, today.
    So don’t you run me out, or I’m up the spout, today.
    Those days are over now; make a place for yourself here.
    Join and leave the field as you please dear.
    I see changes, changes, all around me are changes!
    It’s a wild time; it’s a wild thyme.
    I’ll be with you any old time.

    (Martha listens for the sound of leather on willow but just hears the clicking of the scoreboard incessantly).

    Poor boys and rich umpires, they will all be received at Grace Road, Grace Road.
    My travelling companion is nine years old, he doesn’t want to go into the west stand.

    I’m
    Waiting for my Man.
    500,000 dollars in my hand.
    St John’s Road 125, trousers all dirty, feel more dead than alive.
    I’m Waiting for my man.
    Here he comes, he’s all dressed in white.
    Big straw hat and he’s looking like a fright.
    He’s never early, the finger’s always late.
    First thing you learn, you’ve always got to wait.
    I’m waiting for my man.
    Walk to the hutch.

    Monday morning brings the dawn in,
    All rained off, not much else to do.
    It’s all a dream we dreamed one afternoon long ago.

  • alistaire wrote:
    August 29th, 2006 at 1.40 am

    Thanks to the Plane;the Dead; the Velvets and the
    Incomparable Lou and Paul.Oh and thanks to Will.
    I’m glad I’m not young anymore.
    One last thing.How about Gus F.[Eton Rifles XI] v Henry B.[My dear old thing it’s Fred Titmus XI]

  • Martin Battaliou wrote:
    September 27th, 2006 at 4.31 pm

    Darrell Hair should not automatically assume he will get an entry visa to India, even if he is selected as an umpire in the upcoming Champions Trophy.

    He could be considered as an “undesirable person” i.e. a person who is or has been conducting himself in a manner prejudicial to the peace, defence, public safety, public order, public morality, public health, security or good government of India.


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