It’s been a while since I chastised a public service, or an entire continent – so I just thought I’d get this off my chest. Buses.
What’s worse; a bus driver who never lets anyone on, or one who lets everyone on? THE LATTER and here’s why. When I’m on the bus, I don’t really care about anyone else getting on. Selfish, perhaps, but commuting in London requires a degree of focus and single-minded bastardness (“get out of my way you suit/beggar/pushchair/”). Bah. Pushchairs – that’s for next month, definately. Their owners think they have licence to rip your ankles to shreds, repeatedly, so long as little Johnny doesn’t have to walk a few metres, I mean honestly – get out of my bloody way.
On my very lengthy journey home of at least two miles, the 72 was driven by the world’s chattiest driver. Normally I’d welcome such a cheery and charitable fellow – but I was in a rush to get back home, get the kettle on and have my seventh cup of tea. (as it was, I ended up in the pub, but that’s by the by). Everyone was allowed on the bus. Everyone. It was heaving and groaning under the sweaty mass of countless exhausted workers and grotty teenagers.
Just when one of Transport for London’s Arks was about to buckle, the driver would notice a couple more people furiously waving their Oyster cards and unread-but-nevertheless-crumpled newspapers, demanding that the Ark stopped to allow them aboard. And it worked! On they came, usually in twos (just to really piss me off). The doors shut, handbrake lifted and off we went. NO! More. Brakes slammed on, door opened – and best of all, the apparently chipper driver hurried them on, “Quickly, quick quick, come on”. Needless to say, my silent prayers that he would ignore the fledgling, desperate commuters fell on deaf ears.
I have never seen a bus so full. Thankfully, I’m tall enough to rise above the smell of London’s armpits. Unfortunately for everyone else, I had a very late and drunken evening last night and didn’t have a shower this morning, so unleashed my whiff on the greedy buggers delaying my journey.
God this is fun, ranting without cause or reason. I’ll promise to limit it to once a month. Meanwhile – aren’t England rubbish at the moment?
Disclaimer: despite today’s trouble, I actually have very very few problems with London’s transport system. The Tube is still better suited for Noah’s flock than us lot – ha! well no! Because actually, cattle can’t be transported over 30c or something, and the Tube in the summer rises to an Egyptian 39c – but it does work, for me. And the buses, while crammed, hardly ever let me down.
Hoo-wee! Great time there! Now try Germany – the epitome of efficiency, yes? NO! if you allow yourself a rant, Will, then allow me mine. I live in the north-west of Bonn on one side of the river and work in the south-east of the town on the other river side. Both my kids go to school on my side of the river, okay?
Try the bus in the morning. Instead of every ten minutes, they turn up in groups of 3 every 30 minutes, usually full of school kids so between 7.30 and 8am they are so overloaded, we workers cannot get on. So some of us do not shower every day, but ye gods! when you get stuck next to someone with no relationship to soap for months. And please, I like perfume, but some women marinade in it. Jeez it’s awful. And the mobile phone calls! And some nerds in maximum density trains still trying to get on their lap-tops. Can’t they get through 30 minutes without a mail? That is so sad.
mmm Public transport. There’s nothing more fun than bashing it to death.
I have to say, what we get in Melbourne is definitely a lot better than what I’ve heard. The trains are clean[-ish, depends on where you're going] and they only come 1 or 2 minutes late. I mean, of course everyone on the train is blaming the government or whoever when one train is cancelled and the next is filled to the brim with people, but at heart, we all know that we’d be equally as screwed if the trains didn’t come at all.
But as for buses, I just out and out hate them. Whenever I arrive at a bus stop, I always feel that the bus has already left, and of course there’s no way in checking if there is no one else around. And then the buses themselves are horrible. If you get a new, air-conditioned, clean, shiny bus, you’re ok and living swell. But as soon as summer rolls around and the temperatures creeps up, they just have to roll out the old, unair-conditioned, dirty ones that instead of having normal seats, they cover everything in carpet, just to drive in how hot it is.
Ha ! you should try the B.E.S.T buses in Bombay or even better the local trains. You don’t need to hold on to anything because the bus/train is so crowded you can’t move a finger.
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It’s been a while since I chastised a public service, or an entire continent – so I just thought I’d get this off my chest. Buses.
