By Will 2 years ago, at the start of May Leave a comment on this post
So, the first Test is upon us in a matter of days. This time tomorrow, Jon Lewis will be even less knowingly underbowled (probably); Sky will be wheeling out their trucks and TV monitors (and waking up Bob Willis from his slumber; “over rates. over rates. always the slow over rates”) and, more interestingly, Channel Five will become only the third terrestrial TV station in the UK to show cricket highlights.
Pleasingly, they’ve chosen a good spot - 7.15 pm. As good as Channel 4’s coverage was, they rather shot themselves in the foot with their highlights which were, frankly, dreadful. Half-an-hour of highlights is all very well, but not when the anchor man - Nicho! - speaks over most of the action. In a moment of particular boredom one day, I timed the actual cricket. There was 2 minutes of intros and over a minute at the end, not to mention the 2/3 minute advert-break in the middle. Worse still, they rarely stuck to one timeslot. It was sometimes on past midnight! Good one - yeah, that’ll draw the viewers in. The pervy freaks looking for soft porn must have got a shock when they heard the less-than-seductive tones of Simon Hughes talking about the lack of a fine leg or worse, pulling a bowler into the confectionary stand (and out again).
Anyway, Five have recruited The Great Nicho (Mark Nicholas), Sir Geoff (Geoff Boycott) and Mr Trucky himself (Simon Hughes). A fine team, that. In fact, so fine, I’m almost inclined to say it’s a shuper team, in honour of Richie Benaud who quite honestly deserves a post all to himself. This is the first summer since the Jurrassic era that Britons won’t have his quiet, understated musings in the background while they make their tea; pick up their shopping; shout at the kids or whatever. Worse still, we don’t get to hear Choo for Chwenty Choo again. Travesty upon travesty. Console yourselves.
Incidentally, don’t try saying his name if your moustache is wet. It has a tendancy to sound like the perfect chav-mobile for a chavette (Bitchy Renault). Stone the crows - why didn’t I think of that before? Someone get me Renault on the phone!
Anyway, the reason for this inane, banal stream of tripe - masquerading as a post - is Five just emailed me to say their site is now live. So go and look at it and tell them how wonderful you think it is, and also tell them what a wonderful blog this is and that you found their site because of the Corridor. And seeing as you’re being so generous, you might as well tell them how great you think I am (you can lie. In fact, please do).
The summer has begun. Incidentally, I went to the dogs on Friday (Wimbledon) - and what a brilliant night out it is. My mate had a bunch of coupons from the Racing Post so not only did we all get in free, we got a free pint to start proceedings and a free £2 bet. I’ll have some of that, oh yes. One of our crowd is particularly keen on the old gambling…not sure how much he won, but it was into the hundreds. Or so he told us…great night though. Masses to drink, masses of laughter, masses of shouting at dogs (and greyhounds) and “what colour’s number 3? what bloody colour is trap 3? Oh nevermind, that’ll be the dog at the back. At the back and on his back!”
Posting will be up on and off for a bit, as mentioned the other day. Scott’s around to keep it fresh and watered.
Tags: bitchy-renault, channel-5, channel-five, dogs, five, greyhounds, Richie-Benaud, sky, television, terrestrial, tv, wimbledon |
“Anyway, Five have recruited The Great Nicho (Mark Nicholas), Sir Geoff (Geoff Boycott) and Mr Trucky himself (Simon Hughes)”
Good good. I was fearful that channel 5 would use Sky’s woeful (Atherton excepted) commentary. This is good news. Well done five.
I think your comments are spot on. What a shame that Channel Five is not maintaining the web site - there’s no mention on there of the second test, currently in progress. I actually went to the site trying to find out about the song they used for the theme tune of the highlights programme, with lyrics that go something like “This is the place, this is the time, this is what I’ve waited for…” Does anyone know the name of the record and the artist(s)?
Congratulations on your excellent highlights slot.It is very much appreciated. I am sure many more viewers will be converted ch 5.
WHEN is that idiot Boycott going to be let go? [How did heever get picked,let alone play for England]He must be the inspiration behind Monty python.I know everybody is fed up to the back teeth with the Jones/A.N.Other debate but he got it wrong!GoJo dived[as any keeper would]because he hoped to make a catch;Tres.caught it but due to the speed may not have called and he was not ‘looking at him’ but laughing.Even old Henry on the Beeb said ‘Jones should earn his corn’ showing [as if we needed showing]just how low human nature can sink to.Strauss and mothercare etc.Sorry about the ‘heever’
Tonight’s was even worse[sic].It’s bad enough that the media has taken over the government of this country and we licence payers cannot see whole test matches any more but only a few minutes highlights.TMS seemed very balanced today re.Harmison And Jones’ injuries.Why do so many players get these injuries-TOO many international games with the same players? Channel 5’s analysis is excellent but the coverage[especially the final shot of Jones in pain-with GB’s commentary gleefully ignoring it]was beyond the pale.Oh,by the way[on this day of remembrance]why shouldn’t Tony L. been allowed to play test cricket.Anyway-off to my holiday in Lebanon.
Day 3 The improvement was astonishing! Just back from Lebanon[It’s really hairy out there Sir][sick].Mark Nicholas was nearly exemplary and very diplmatic-reminded me of Aggers.The analysis was very short re:licence fee etc.Maybe this was all due to an astonishing victory,on the third day at least, due to two injured men and the MIGHTY MONTY[not that Monty major].G.B.was conspicuous due to his almost absenteeism.What ARE we going to do with uncle G.I propose promoting him upstairs to the Lords[house of]as a cross-bench member for sport[should make things lively] along with Beefy,Cram,Ovett?,Daly? and some others including a token woman[oophs-but we must bring the ladies in!]How would they get on with Coe?This time it really is goodbye to retard rubbish[me] as off to cooler climes.So as the great man said-’Goodnight and good luck’.
Firstly.Does anyone else use this sight?It seems like a dead duck to me.I presume everyone else is on the main sight.Today I’m a very sad man-re Jones/Reid .Secondly I’ll have to grovel and say sorry to Sir G. Boycott for calling him an idiot.He was probably correct-He often is.Thirdly I shall not be watching any cricket on channel 5,net or anywhere else which is a shame because it’s a light relief from politics;The Middle East and global warming etc and cicket is a microcosm of life showing just how much this society and human nature stinks.Bye Bye sightlet/blog.
I really need to know what the opening theme is for the channel five highlights.I luv it.it’s so catchy. please help me!
I know what it is its ’shine’ by shannon Noll.yeeeey
The opening of the highlights programme, shows a multi-framed sequence of a batsman playing a stroke - the whole thing ends up looking like a glorious fan shape. Have channel five thought of printing this, framing it and selling it ? We think it’s great but would be better without the ‘Five’ logo bottom left ! I’m not very computer wise and don’t know whether I would be allowed to record it onto DVD and edit it through my own computer anyway.
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